| GOOD SAMARITAN..
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the
Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all
wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?”
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw
up.”
..
DID NOAH FISH?
..
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a
lot of fishing when
he was on the Ark ?” “No,” replied Johnny.
“How could he, with just two worms.”
..
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
..
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most
quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 .
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
“The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
..
UNANSWERED PRAYER
..
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a
good sermon.”
“How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.
..
BEING THANKFUL
..
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother
says your prayers for you each night?
That’s very commendable.
What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
..
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
..
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli
would say, “and all girls.”
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”
..
SAY A PRAYER
..
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother’s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny!
Read More
 Dec 06 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, belief, birthday, body, breakfast, bus, car, channel, cheer, child, church, coffee, courage, day, diamonds, diet, dinner, duty, encouragement, era, exercise, experience, faith, fool, funny, gift, global, globe, gratitude, gym, health, hilarious, history, humanity, humor, instruction, instructions, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, leg, legs, life, listening, message, morning, moron, mother, path, present, road, sandwich, Saturday, service, smiles, snack, snacks, sound, sport, strength, stupid, sugar, Sunday, surprise, task, tea, teacher, teeth, television, thankfulness, time, today, traffic, travel, treats, trip, truck, universe, vampire, vehicle, voice, weight, woman, words, work, world
.
A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
.
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
.
Dear Diary,
.
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 40 something years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
.
MONDAY:
.
I started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
.
TUESDAY:
.
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
.
WEDNESDAY:
.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
.
THURSDAY:
.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was
Read More
Nov 03 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
Tags: abroad, airport, America, army, banquet, barbeque, beauty, belt, bracelet, Britain, British, Buckingham Palace, celebrity, chic, church, colors, companion, computer, couple, crown, daffodil, designer, diamonds, dinner, dress, Duchess, earrings, effect, elegance, England, Europe, eyes, fashion, fashionista, first lady, flight, flowers, food, foreign, garden, glamorous, gloves, gold, government, gown, hairdo, hairstyle, hands, honor, husband, internet, Ireland, Irish, jacket, jewelry, journey, King, lipstick, make-up, military, mini, money, necklace, online, palace, pants, partner, pearls, photos, pilot, plane, politics, president, prime minister, Prince, pumps, queen, Queen Elizabeth, reason, ring, rose, roses, royalty, silver, smiles, soldier, spouse, stunning, style, sugar, suit, tea, throne, touch, tour, travel, treats, trip, White House, wife
Michelle Obama goes glam and stays stylish while touring England and Ireland
Simply Stunning
.
President Obama may have been touring Great Britain for political reasons, but the eyes of the fashion-forward were on Michelle Obama. Could she be able to keep up with the British prime minister’s wife, Samantha Cameron, who is known for being a bit of a fashionista? How would she measure up to Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton and her accessible style? Would she make a fashion faux-pas and represent the United States while wearing a little-known foreign designer’s duds?
..
Have no fear—she looked amazing. We took a look at some of her top outfits from the trip; here, the president and first lady pose with Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip before a banquet at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday.
***
Let’s take a closer look at that gorgeous dress, shall we?
.
The ivory ruched Georgette gown by Tom Ford has white ribbon-and-bow detailing at the waist;
Read More
May 31 2011
Posted: under "A Scripture A Day Keeps The Devil Away", Inspirationals.
Tags: angel, blessings, body, cemetery, Christ, church, day, Easter, faith, ghost, glory, God, Good Friday, government, Heaven, holiness, home, House, humanity, inspiration, Jesus, language, life, Lord, love, man, Mathematics, minister, others, pastor, praises, preacher, priest, resurrection, Savior, scripture, soul, spirit, woman, words
.
One Guy Didn’t
.
Three guys were tried for crimes against humanity.
Two guys committed crimes.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys were given government trials.
Two guys had fair trials.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys were whipped and beaten.
Two guys had it coming.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys were given crosses to carry.
Two guys earned their crosses.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys were mocked and spit at along the way.
Two guys cursed and spit back.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys were nailed to crosses.
Two guys deserved it.
One guy didn’t.
.
Three guys talked while they were hung on their crosses.
Read More
May 18 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
Tags: beauty, bliss, bride, Britain, celebration, celebrity, ceremony, church, companion, couple, dad, designer, diamonds, Duchess, Duke, elegance, era, family, fashion, fashionista, father, festival, friends, gold, granny, groom, happiness, hats, history, husband, jewelry, joy, life, London, love, marriage, minister, money, mother, mother-in-law, music, palace, partner, party, pastor, preacher, priest, Prince, princess, Queen Elizabeth, ring, sermon, smiles, spouse, style, television, time, wedding, wife
.
Prince William and Kate Middleton attend the wedding between event rider Harry Meade and Rosemarie Bradford at the Church of St Peter and St Paul.
***
.
Prince William walks with his girlfriend Kate Middleton after his graduation ceremony at RAF Cranwell. Lincolnshire, England
***
Princess Beatrice and Eugene hat madness (fashion faux pas)
.
Read More
May 03 2011
|
