Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, thief, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth
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The Darwins are out !!!!
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Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
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Here is the glorious winner:
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1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
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And now, the honorable mentions:
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2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
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3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
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5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
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7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
Read More
Feb 06 2012
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: accident, advice, age, aim, air, anger, babies, baby, beacon, beauty, belief, bell, bells, Bible, blessings, bliss, bouquet, breath, bridge, brilliance, burden, cancer, candle, candles, care, cemetery, challenge, check, Christ, clerk, cloud, clouds, cold, color, colors, comfort, Comforter, companion, concentration, couple, courage, creek, cross, cure, dad, depression, destination, divorce, doctor, drugs, encouragement, era, exam, experience, eyes, faith, family, father, feeling, feelings, fire, flame, florist, flowers, focus, force, friends, friendship, funds, gas, gem, gems, genuine, ghost, glory, goal, God, goodness, grace, gratitude, guidance, gynecologist, hair, hairstyle, happiness, healing, health, heart, highway, history, holiday, holidays, home, House, husband, ice, inspiration, Jesus, journey, joy, King, language, laughter, learning, lesson, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, Lord, love, mail, man, marriage, Mathematics, might, mind, moment, money, mountain, noise, obituary, ocean, others, pain, partner, path, perfection, period, phone, physician, power, prayer, promise, quiz, rain, rainbow, reading, Redeemer, rivers, rose, roses, Savior, sea, shape, shapes, sheep, shepherd, size, smiles, son, sound, source, specialist, spouse, spring, stream, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surgeon, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, Thanksgiving, thorn, thorns, thought, time, tips, torch, touch, travel, treasure, trials, tribulation, trip, triumph, triumphs, truck, trust, truth, vacation, value, vehicle, victory, voice, water, weight, wife, wind, woman, wonder, words, worries, worry
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The Blessing Of Thorns
=======================
..
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed
against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had
been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of
her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her
ease.
..
During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.
She grieved over her loss. As if that weren’t enough, her
husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose
annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not
come.
..
What’s worse, Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her
grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to
empathize with others who suffer. “She has no idea what I’m
feeling,” thought Sandra with a shudder.
..
“Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?” she wondered aloud. For a
careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-
ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of
her child?
..
“Good afternoon, can I help you?”
..
The shop clerk’s approach startled her.
..
“I….I need an arrangement, “stammered Sandra. “For
Thanksgiving?
..
Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to
challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the
Thanksgiving Special?” asked the shop clerk.
..
“I’m convinced that flowers tell stories,” she continued.
..
“Are you looking for something that conveys ‘gratitude’ this
Thanksgiving?
..
“Not exactly!” Sandra blurted out. “In the last five months,
everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. ” Sandra
regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk
said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”
..
Then the door’s small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, “Hi
Barbara…let me get your order.” She politely excused herself
and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared,
Read More
Apr 06 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, beer, cashier, champagne, check, clerk, cop, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, license, liquor, money, officer, patrolman, photos, police, robber, rum, scotch, sheriff, smiles, tequila, trooper, vodka, whiskey, wine
The following supposedly a true story.
This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
Read More
Jun 20 2009
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: anger, boss, check, clerk, cold, cough, cure, doctor, duty, employee, employer, fool, funds, funny, healing, health, hilarious, hospital, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, laughter, man, manager, medication, medicine, money, moron, nurse, office, pharmacist, pharmacy, prescription, short, smiles, stupid, sugar, supervisor, task, woman, work
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up.
“He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.”
“Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.
Read More
Apr 25 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, bank, birth, birthday, care, check, choice, clerk, clothing, companion, couple, dating, designer, embrace, family, fashion, friends, friendship, funds, funny, fur, gift, girl, girlfriend, hand, hands, hilarious, hug, hugs, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, loan, love, mail, man, money, partner, present, relationship, show, smiles, style, surprise, thought, tips, token, woman
A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend’s birthday and as they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the girl friend’s younger sister, he went to Herrod’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties. The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, advice, attention, boss, check, clerk, doctor, dumb, employee, fool, funds, funny, gas, gynecologist, hilarious, hospital, humor, idiot, job, jokes, laughter, legs, man, manager, money, moron, physician, quotes, robber, sign, silly, smiles, specialist, station, stupid, supervisor, surgeon, task, thief, tips, woman, work
One night a man came into a gas station, looking nice and casual; he went up to the clerk and put a $20 bill on the counter, to not look suspicious. All of a sudden he pulled out a gun and said, “Give me all your money!” The clerk did as she was told and gave him the cash register with all the money. Obviously, the dumb robber was not paying attention to the sign that said “cash register only has $15 in it at all times” so he left the money and the gas station in a hurry, gettin’ ripped off a huge chunk of change.
(*)(*)(*)
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Hahahaha !!!!!!!
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Sep 11 2008
