Darwin Awards for 2011

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The Darwins are out !!!!  

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Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are  
  bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. 

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  Here is the glorious winner: 

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  1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim    
  during a hold-up in Long Beach , California  would-be robber James      
  Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the    
  barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.   

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  And now, the honorable mentions:         

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  2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting    
  machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his    
  insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its  
  men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a  
  finger. The chef’s claim was approved.   

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  3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car      
  during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman  
  had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.  

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  4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver  
  found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting    
  from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his            
  incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone  
  waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the      
  mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable 
  and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3  
  days.      

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  5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head 
  wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the  
  injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close 
  he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

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  6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the        
  counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,    
  the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which  
  the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and    
  fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he  
  got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives    
  you money, is a crime committed?]    

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  7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that 
  he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some  
  booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his  

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Comments (0) Feb 06 2012

Laughter….

Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
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Add a teaspoon of it

To your diet each day 

 .

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My sister said its so cold where she is

that she saw a lawyer with his hands

in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!

 

><><

 

Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,

 ”Oh my God”.  The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,

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Comments (0) Oct 29 2011

Lawyers should never ask a . . . .

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
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. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .

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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

..

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal

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Comments (0) Jun 21 2011

A MountainWings Moment — You Are Beautiful‏

Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", "LOVE is LOVELY", Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
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You Are Beautiful
==================
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You are beautiful. . .
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It’s a phrase that my mother uses a lot.
I used to wonder, “How in the world can Mother call them
beautiful?”
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I am a logical, statistical man.
I call things as I see them.
I didn’t see beauty.
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My mother would tell people this with an enthusiasm they
could feel. She was genuine. She wasn’t telling them they
were beautiful to get something from them. Most of the
time, they were trying to get something from her.
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I wondered for years what was wrong with Mother’s perception and
vision. Couldn’t she see that all of the people she called
beautiful, weren’t beautiful?

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You were beautiful only if you had a certain figure and face
that was classed as beautiful by the laws of the world and
glamour. Yet when my mother spoke, people smiled as though
Glamour magazine had listed them as one of the beautiful people
of the year.
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It took me years to finally understand my mother’s vision
and the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
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My mother had a spirit that could see the beauty in a person.
 .Most only look on the outside and then compare what they
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Comments (0) May 08 2011

A Jamaican Man

Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
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A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of juice and a bag of sugar and only paid for the juice and walked out………he got arrested for stealing the sugar. 

He went to court, the judge asked him why he stole the sugar……….he then replied,

“Yuh Honor, mi nah tief no sugar…..mi look pon de back ah de juice

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Comments (2) May 05 2011

A MountainWings Moment . . . Look Into Your Eyes‏

Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
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aha.005.jpg blue eyes image by NCMSmel13

Look Into Your Eyes
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I was online to renew my passport.

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I answered question after question. Most were simple questions
that were easily answered, but then it got to a hard one.

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What color are your eyes?

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I didn’t know the answer!

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Now you may ask, “What kind of man doesn’t know what color his
eyes are?”

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Were my eyes black or brown?

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I honestly didn’t know. I’m sure that I once did, but I
certainly
wouldn’t bet a large sum of money on a guess right then.
I couldn’t remember what color my eyes were.

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It reminded me of the lawyer cross-examining a witness in court
and to prove that his memory was unreliable, he put his hand on
the man’s neck shielding his tie from his view and asked him,
“What color tie do you have on?”

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Needless to say, the witness didn’t know. I hear you saying,
“But your eye color isn’t like that tie!” Well, actually it
was, because I didn’t know what color they were.

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My wife was out of town with the kids visiting her parents.
I was the only one in the house. So I did what any man would do
who couldn’t remember his eye color and didn’t have anyone
close who could look into his eyes and tell him.

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Comments (0) Oct 07 2009