Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: cemetery, companion, couple, difference, divorce, earth, eyes, funny, ghost, global, globe, hilarious, humor, husband, jail, jokes, laughter, law, license, Lord, marriage, medication, mercy, partner, pharmacist, pharmacy, photos, respect, rules, sleep, smiles, spouse, universe, wife, world
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DIVORCE VS. MURDER
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eye
said, ‘I would like to buy some cyanide.’
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The pharmacist asked, ‘Why in the world do you need cyanide?’
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The lady replied, ‘I need it to poison my husband.’
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The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, ‘Lord have
mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband.
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That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us
in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not!
You CANNOT have any cyanide!’
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The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of
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Dec 06 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: accident, advice, age, aim, air, anger, babies, baby, beacon, beauty, belief, bell, bells, Bible, blessings, bliss, bouquet, breath, bridge, brilliance, burden, cancer, candle, candles, care, cemetery, challenge, check, Christ, clerk, cloud, clouds, cold, color, colors, comfort, Comforter, companion, concentration, couple, courage, creek, cross, cure, dad, depression, destination, divorce, doctor, drugs, encouragement, era, exam, experience, eyes, faith, family, father, feeling, feelings, fire, flame, florist, flowers, focus, force, friends, friendship, funds, gas, gem, gems, genuine, ghost, glory, goal, God, goodness, grace, gratitude, guidance, gynecologist, hair, hairstyle, happiness, healing, health, heart, highway, history, holiday, holidays, home, House, husband, ice, inspiration, Jesus, journey, joy, King, language, laughter, learning, lesson, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, Lord, love, mail, man, marriage, Mathematics, might, mind, moment, money, mountain, noise, obituary, ocean, others, pain, partner, path, perfection, period, phone, physician, power, prayer, promise, quiz, rain, rainbow, reading, Redeemer, rivers, rose, roses, Savior, sea, shape, shapes, sheep, shepherd, size, smiles, son, sound, source, specialist, spouse, spring, stream, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surgeon, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, Thanksgiving, thorn, thorns, thought, time, tips, torch, touch, travel, treasure, trials, tribulation, trip, triumph, triumphs, truck, trust, truth, vacation, value, vehicle, victory, voice, water, weight, wife, wind, woman, wonder, words, worries, worry
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The Blessing Of Thorns
=======================
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Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed
against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had
been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of
her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her
ease.
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During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.
She grieved over her loss. As if that weren’t enough, her
husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose
annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not
come.
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What’s worse, Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her
grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to
empathize with others who suffer. “She has no idea what I’m
feeling,” thought Sandra with a shudder.
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“Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?” she wondered aloud. For a
careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-
ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of
her child?
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“Good afternoon, can I help you?”
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The shop clerk’s approach startled her.
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“I….I need an arrangement, “stammered Sandra. “For
Thanksgiving?
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Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to
challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the
Thanksgiving Special?” asked the shop clerk.
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“I’m convinced that flowers tell stories,” she continued.
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“Are you looking for something that conveys ‘gratitude’ this
Thanksgiving?
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“Not exactly!” Sandra blurted out. “In the last five months,
everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. ” Sandra
regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk
said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”
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Then the door’s small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, “Hi
Barbara…let me get your order.” She politely excused herself
and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared,
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Apr 06 2010
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: baby, Big Boy, class, divorce, doctor, eyes, family, father, funny, hilarious, Jamaican, jokes, minister, mother, parents, pastor, preacher, school, student, Sunday, teacher, vision
Picturesque view of a sugar plantation, Jamaica
~~
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One day when Big Boy was in class, the teacher asked…
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“Who built the ark?”
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Student: “Big Boy, you know?”
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Big Boy: “Know wha??”
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Teacher: “That is right, Big Boy, Noah built the ark”
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<><><><><><>
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Big boy went to school and heard other students using ‘raas’; not
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, anger, anxiety, bank, car, cemetery, check, companion, couple, depression, divorce, era, funds, funny, ghost, highway, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, jokes, journey, language, laughter, marriage, Mathematics, money, partner, period, road, smiles, spouse, stress, time, traffic, travel, trip, vehicle, wife, words
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
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Apr 15 2009
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, agreement, America, American, attorney, car, celebrity, cop, country, difference, divorce, doctor, earth, era, flag, funny, global, globe, health, history, humor, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, life, military, model, nation, nurse, officer, patrolman, period, pharmacist, pharmacy, police, redneck, relationship, rules, security, sheriff, smiles, specialist, spirit, student, surgeon, taste, taxes, time, trooper, truck, universe, values, vehicle, war, words, world, youth
I want a Divorce!!!!
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DIVORCE AGREEMENT
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THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE
IT’S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!!
WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I’LL VOTE FOR HIM.
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OUTSTANDING!
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HaHaHaHaHa!!!!!
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Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, aroma, attorney, color, companion, couple, court, divorce, elderly, fragrance, funny, heart, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, letter, love, man, marriage, Mathematics, odor, office, partner, perfume, scent, seniors, smiles, spouse, Valentine's Day, wife, woman, words
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
…
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
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Feb 14 2009