Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: divorce, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, Thanksgiving, wife
Thanksgiving Divorce
A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams. We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her.”
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, bank, couple, divorce, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, man, marriage, money, wife, woman
A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”
The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.
He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”
Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.
“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.
He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.
By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”
The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.
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Oct 11 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: boss, companion, couple, divorce, funny, hilarious, humor, husband, Jamaica, job, jokes, language, laughter, lawyer, letter, life, man, marriage, money, partner, sex, smiles, spouse, task, ticket, time, wife, woman, words, work
Dear wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever! The case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
…
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
+++++++++
Dear Ex-Husband:
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Oct 04 2008
Posted: under Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: advice, anger, baby, bliss, car, cemetery, challenge, check, children, class, companion, couple, dance, diet, divorce, duty, era, family, ghost, happiness, health, home, House, husband, inspiration, job, journey, joy, life, love, man, marriage, memories, moment, money, others, partner, path, road, school, spouse, spring, summer, task, teenagers, time, tips, today, treasure, trip, vacation, vehicle, weight, wife, winter, woman, work, youth
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.
..
After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation,or when we retire. .. Read More
Oct 01 2008
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: attorney, child, companion, couple, court, divorce, dreadlocks, earth, funny, globe, hilarious, honor, humor, husband, Jamaican, job, jokes, judge, laughter, lawyer, money, partner, rastafarian, rastaman, smiles, spouse, task, universe, wife, work, world
A Jamaican Rastaman and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said, “Your Honor. I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.” The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in the matter?” The Rastaman sat for a
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Sep 21 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airport, alcohol, bank, bar, beer, bliss, blood, boobs, brandy, breasts, butt, champagne, check, christmas, companion, couple, divorce, dog, drugs, drunk, earth, exam, family, flight, funds, funny, genius, gin, global, globe, granny, happiness, hilarious, history, humor, husband, jokes, joy, land, language, laughter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, liquor, loan, man, marriage, money, mother, mother-in-law, others, parent, partner, peace, perfection, pharmacist, pharmacy, politics, pool, pub, quiz, record, rectum, restaurant, rum, scotch, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, test, ticket, universe, value, vodka, waitress, whiskey, wife, wine, wisdom, woman, words, world
25 Words of Wisdom
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and asshole.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it’s OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a woman wearing a large tee shirt with ‘Guess’ on it.
I said,”Breast implants?”
5. I don’t do drugs ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:”Buy one dog, get one flea…”
7. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?
10. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have “Schiffer Brains.”
18. No one ever says “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always
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Sep 15 2008