Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attention, bar, beer, bishop, brandy, champagne, church, decision, devil, drunk, evil, exam, example, eyes, focus, funny, gin, Heaven, hell, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, legs, liquor, listening, man, minister, noise, others, pastor, perception, pope, preacher, priest, pub, quiz, reverend, rum, satan, scotch, sermon, sleep, smiles, sound, Sunday, surprise, tequila, test, vodka, voice, vote, voter, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung
over and tired, he finally nods off.
.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his
apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon,
the preacher decides to make an example of him.
.
He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place
in heaven, please stand.”
.
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like
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Feb 23 2012
Posted: under Inspirational Poetry, Inspirationals.
Tags: advice, age, alcohol, bar, beer, belief, bliss, brandy, care, cemetery, champagne, cloud, clouds, color, colors, community, concern, courage, dream, drunk, duty, earth, era, eyes, faith, feeling, fire, friends, friendship, ghost, gin, global, globe, happiness, history, hope, inspiration, job, joy, kindness, labor, language, life, link, liquor, love, man, moment, morning, music, neighbor, neighborhood, new year, others, party, perception, period, pub, rum, scotch, strength, task, tequila, time, tips, universe, video, vision, voice, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words, work, world
“Happy New Year“
.
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I
Read More
Jan 02 2012
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accident, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, bliss, bus, car, champagne, chance, check, cold, companion, couple, court, day, diet, drunk, eyes, family, funny, gin, hands, happiness, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, journey, joy, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, licence, license, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, morning, New York, partner, path, pub, rain, recipe, road, rum, scotch, season, short, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, time, traffic, travel, truck, vehicle, vodka, weather, whiskey, wife, wine, winter, woman, words
Add a teaspoon of it
To your diet each day
.
.
My sister said its so cold where she is
that she saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!
><><
Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,
”Oh my God”. The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,
Read More
Oct 29 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brain, champagne, companion, couple, court, drunk, elderly, exam, fool, funny, gin, granny, hilarious, humor, husband, idiot, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, liquor, man, moron, mother, mother-in-law, office, partner, practice, relationship, rules, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, spouse, tequila, test, vodka, voice, whiskey, wife, wine, woman, words, youth
. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
..
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal
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Jun 21 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: beauty, child, drunk, God, Heaven, humor, inspiration, judge, life, man, moment, money, neighbor, smiles, thought, woman
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Surprised
==========
.
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven’s door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
~. . .~
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
~. . .~
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
~. . .~
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Read More
Jun 18 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bar, beer, celebration, champagne, doctor, drunk, friends, funny, gin, hilarious, Ireland, Irish, jokes, laughter, man, physician, pub, rum, scotch, specialist, tequila, vodka, whiskey, wife, wine
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An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, “I’ve got some bad news for you…you have the cancer and it can’t be cured. I’d give you two weeks to a month.” Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor’s office into the waiting room.
.
There he saw his son who had been waiting. Murphy said, “Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t so well. I have cancer and I’ve been given a short time to live. Let’s head for the pub and have a few pints.”
.
After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less sober. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy’s old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the Read More
Mar 17 2010