Net Miles Of Smiles

 

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1. Ring your friend before he / she goes to work and say ” I’m so sorry to hear you got fired ! ” – Act surprised they didn’t know yet.
2. Wet a tissue with milk and run around holding the tissue to your eye pretending you stuck your pen in your eye, when somebody comes close, squeeze the tissue to make the Milk spurt out all over the place.
3. Place Cling-film over the toilet seat – an old prank but a good one !
4. Ring your friend and pretend to be from the local GPs office. Tell them they might have Newcastles Disease ( a chicken disease – don’t tell them that ).
5. Sign somebody up to an embarrasing email newsletter.
6. Go around the office and tell random people that a particular person (e.g. your friend) wanted them to drop over at 11am – they will be surprised when 50 people drop around to their cubicle at once.
7. Start a rumour that your company is being taken over and loads of staff will be made redundant. Watch the onset of panic.
8. Put loads of Pencil (scribble and really build up the graphite) on a piece of paper and then rub around the eye and upper jaw. Then go around the office and say you were hit beacuse you didn’t get the report in on time.
9. Advertise your bosses job in the local newspsper – (Great if you want to get fired !).
10. Get a universal remote control and turn the volume up on all the TVs in your local TV shop, while standing nearby. Try be covert so you can keep doing it.
11. If you are a manager or have employees under you, send people looking for made up items such as the dehydrated water, the hydraulic cement humidifier, the double sided transperencies, a fallopian tube, the blunt knife, a glass hammer.
12. If you work in a restaurant, tell all employees that due to new fiar trade regulations, each serving of fries or chips must contain exactly 257 pieces.
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    Comments (0) Apr 01 2010

 

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I started as a fishmonger but the work made me selfish.

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My next job was in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.

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Then I worked as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

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After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it – it was a sew-sew job.

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Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

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I attempted to work in a deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

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I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

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Next, was a job in a shoe shop. I felt so down at heel that I became depressed and soulful.

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Then I became a fisherman. But I discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

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I managed to get a job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

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Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

 

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A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

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‘Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.’

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Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

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Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

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The frog says, ‘Sure. I have this,’ and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

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Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the

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Comments (0) Mar 20 2010