Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, belief, birthday, body, breakfast, bus, car, channel, cheer, child, church, coffee, courage, day, diamonds, diet, dinner, duty, encouragement, era, exercise, experience, faith, fool, funny, gift, global, globe, gratitude, gym, health, hilarious, history, humanity, humor, instruction, instructions, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, leg, legs, life, listening, message, morning, moron, mother, path, present, road, sandwich, Saturday, service, smiles, snack, snacks, sound, sport, strength, stupid, sugar, Sunday, surprise, task, tea, teacher, teeth, television, thankfulness, time, today, traffic, travel, treats, trip, truck, universe, vampire, vehicle, voice, weight, woman, words, work, world
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A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
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If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
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Dear Diary,
.
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 40 something years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
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I started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:
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I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
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The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
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Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was
Read More
Nov 03 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Advice & Tips.
Tags: advice, aroma, baby, bliss, body, changes, coffee, day, depression, doctor, drugs, experience, food, guide, happiness, health, herbs, hospital, instruction, job, joy, license, man, medication, medicine, mind, money, New York, New York City, nurse, pharmacist, pharmacy, physician, recipe, relaxation, relief, remedies, research, smiles, stress, task, therapy, tips, treatment, woman, work
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 |
Bath by Bettijo Relief
Organic Stick
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Head hurts? Try one of these doctor-approved pain relievers.
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Relaxation Techniques
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Best for: Soothing stress before a headache starts.
Read More
Apr 12 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY".
Tags: account, activity, age, aid, America, anxiety, bank, bliss, Britain, care, caring, cemetery, charity, check, child, companion, computer, contribution, couple, dad, day, depression, difference, donation, duty, earth, England, era, Europe, experience, father, finance, fish, fishing, funds, funeral, generosity, ghost, global, globe, government, habit, happiness, history, home, House, husband, inspiration, internet, job, joy, labor, lake, land, life, lifestyle, lifetime, London, love, man, memories, money, neighbor, obituary, ocean, online, others, parent, partner, passion, period, pond, pool, rain, reading, reward, rivers, sea, sharing, spouse, stream, stress, task, time, token, trip, understanding, universe, value, water, wife, woman, work, world
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Writer Gary Jennings said this: “Love and time, those are the only
two things in all the world and all of life, that cannot be bought,
but only spent.”
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I love that. And HOW I spend my love and time is what it is all
about.
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My work and interests require me to spend probably an inordinate
amount of time in front of my computer. At least according to my
wife Bev.
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She and I were talking one day about death and funerals and what to
do with each other’s remains. I asked. “What will you do with my
body? Burial? Cremation?”
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She answered, “I think I’ll just have you stuffed and propped up in
your chair by the computer. That way when I walk through the room I
won’t even notice that you’re gone.”
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I got the point - too much computer time. And how I spend my time
and my love is all important.
. The question I ask myself is this: “Do I generously and freely give
love and time away - and especially to those closest to me?”
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Charles Francis Adams was the United States ambassador to Great
Britain during the Lincoln administration. He had the habit of
keeping a daily diary. He also taught his son Brooks the value of
journaling his activities in a diary.
. One memorable day, eight-year-old Brooks recorded, “Went fishing
with my father, the most glorious day of my life.” It must have been
a glorious day, for the next forty years Brooks repeatedly mentioned
it in his diary. It became a life-long memory.
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His father also wrote about the fishing trip. His own diary on that Read More
Dec 31 2010
Posted: under "SMILE" Jamaica ~ "Once You Go --- You Know".
Tags: art, artist, bank, beaches, beauty, Bob Marley, bracelet, Caribbean, check, country, craft, experience, fantasy, fashion, funds, gift, hairdo, hairstyle, highway, hotel, island, Jamaica, Jamaican, jewelry, job, land, man, money, Montego Bay, necklace, northcoast, painting, paradise, pearls, phone, photos, present, pride, resort, ring, rivers, road, sea, smiles, souvenir, style, task, tourism, tourist, travel, trip, views, water, waterfalls, woman, work
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On your next trip to sweet, sweet Jamaica…
the beautiful island in the sun…
with white sand beaches and breathtaking views…
you gotta top off the wonderful and unforgettable experience
with a visit to
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Patrick’s Craft Shop #15
on the Hip Strip
(Gloucester Ave in Montego Bay)…
******
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(between Cambio & Spice World Supermarket)
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******
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TEL: 396 - 4098
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(Ask for PATRICK or PAM)
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******
Patrick’s Craft Shop #15
is only a stone’s throw from Decameron Hotel & Toby’s Inn Resort…
MONTEGO BAY
.
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Patrick’s Craft Shop
Shop #15
Fantasy Craft Market
(Hip Strip)
Gloucester Ave
Montego Bay
JAMAICA
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TEL: 396 - 4098
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Specialising in:-
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SOUVENIRS
(Bob Marley etc.)
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=+=
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HAIR BRAIDING
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=+=
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GIFTS
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=+=
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HANDMADE GOODIES
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=+=
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***********************
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bamboo craft
wood craft
straw craft
shell craft
bead craft
fabric craft
ONYX
BLACK PEARL
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Oct 19 2010
Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", "Life is precious handle with PRAYER!", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, aid, change, compassion, doctor, elderly, experience, eyes, feeling, God, hand, healing, heart, hospital, inspiration, kindness, language, life, listening, love, moment, nurse, patient, peace, power, prayer, rhythm, seniors, smiles, soul, touch, voice, woman, words
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The Power of Touch
==================
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I worked as a medical/surgical nurse at a busy hospital and was
young in years and experience when this happened.
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I had a patient to care for on my night shift along with eight
others. This particular patient did not talk, move or even give
me eye response when I was speaking to her.
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She was alone; no family. She was a DNR (do not resuscitate),
no heroic measures for her, just let her be.
She was on the telemonitor, which watches what the heart is
doing, rate, rhythm, etc.
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After I did my initial assessment (like a physical exam), I
repositioned her, placed pillows at the areas known to have
skin breakdown (any bony prominence) and tried to make her
more comfortable. Then I went to speak to the nurse watching
the telemonitor for the shift so I could find out her rhythm,
etc. to put in my nurse’s notes.
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I was shocked when she pointed to the screen that displayed my
patient, “This is what a dying heart looks like.”
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I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She didn’t look to be in
any distress when I was just with her. I asked a few questions
then quickly went back to the patient. Still no change.
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As the evening went on, I got patients admitted from the emergency
room and things got very busy. I had to make time to check on my
“special” lady.
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Every four hours I like to check vital signs if someone is in
this state. I took them again; pulse rate and blood pressure
were lower. I was standing at the bedside and could talk to the
telemonitor nurse over the intercom in the room. I asked her if
there has been any change.
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“The heart rate is 60 and dropping.” While I was checking blood
pressure and breathing rate, suddenly there were two other
nurses and several nurses aide’s in the room. Since she was DNR,
there was absolutely nothing we could do.
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The other members stood and watched as the voice over the
intercom said, “Heart rate is 50 and dropping.” Her respiratory
rate dropped from the normal 20 a minute to 15 then 10.
She was going.
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I stood there feeling completely helpless. I must do something.
The only thing to do was pray.
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“Heart rate is 40.”
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I prayed silently and looked around the room. Everyone was just
standing, watching, with their hands clasped in front of them.
She was not struggling, but lying peacefully with her hands across
her chest, rising slower and slower as her breaths decreased.
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Speaking to the intercom I said, “Her breathing is 5.”
Of course I am touching her while checking blood pressure but it
is not the same as “touching” her.
After a moment her breathing stopped completely.
Read More
Oct 19 2010
Posted: under Advice & Tips.
Tags: advice, beauty, choice, dreams, experience, family, friends, inspiration, joy, life, love, man, moments, nap, nature, passion, relationship, relaxation, rest, rhythm, sleep, soul, time, tips, tools, whisper, woman
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PONDER THESE THINGS
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A New Relationship with Time
(An excerpt from Dreams Are Whispers from the Soul)
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Probably no other complaint is voiced more often than not having enough time.
“I don’t have time to pursue my dreams or to even know what my dreams are. I don’t have time for me, for my family and friends. Basically, I don’t have time to live my life.”
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Passion is the ultimate time management tool for two reasons. First, when you are doing what you love, who cares about time? When you are with someone special, or listening to a great piece of music, or painting or volunteering, doesn’t time just fly by? Second, when you are doing what you love it often gets done faster.
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The way we spend our time is the way we spend our lives. Can you slow down enough to get “in synch” with life, nature, and most importantly, yourself? Tune in to your rhythm and natural pulse. Take off your watch and give yourself a day off. Eat when you’re hungry and sleep when you’re tired so you can discover who you are, what you need and what works best for you.
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Make a date with yourself, every day if possible. Even if for only a half hour, carving out time for you is a great act of generosity. Your work can usually wait a half hour, but your soul can’t.
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Whether we like it or not, the clock keeps ticking so live fully, every single second of every single day.
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Learn the true joy of doing less and having more as you experience each day as priceless. Fill your life
