Net Miles Of Smiles

 

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I started as a fishmonger but the work made me selfish.

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My next job was in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.

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Then I worked as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

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After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it – it was a sew-sew job.

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Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

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I attempted to work in a deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

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I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

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Next, was a job in a shoe shop. I felt so down at heel that I became depressed and soulful.

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Then I became a fisherman. But I discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

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I managed to get a job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

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Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

 

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Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

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His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

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“That’s no good” sighs Arthur, “your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

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“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

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So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

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Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

 

Because Nice Matters
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When I was 20 and still in college, I worked for a large chain
store where jewelry was their main product.

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At Christmas time, it was understood that when the jewelry
department got busy, and because that’s where the greatest
margin of profit was, that all available employees were to help
with sales in the jewelry ‘pit’.

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We were all trained to work the counters, but we got a minimum
percentage of commission compared to the regular salespeople’s
salary and commissions. This one evening, the customers were
three deep all around the four sides of the jewelry counters.

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One by one we served the customers and it finally got to a
manageable group in about two hours. Some of my co-workers were
tired and wanted to go back to their departments. Some were
allowed to leave, but I was asked to stay and finish helping our
customers find the jewelry that they were shopping for.

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As I was just about to walk my current customer to the registers
so that she could checkout, I caught sight of a VERY large man
in just filthy overalls.

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He was muddy and he smelled!

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When I returned to the sales counter, all of the other college
students that were there working were whispering and giggling
and not very discreetly.

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I asked them what they were whispering about. And they pointed
to the man at my section of the counter. I told them not to be
so mean. He might be able to hear them. I told them to have the
Christmas spirit and be nice. Because Nice matters.

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They were still giggling as I went to see how I could help him.
When I got to him, he really did smell. It was pretty bad, but
I figured he really wanted something as he had waited a long
time. He thanked me for coming to him and asked to see a
$40,000 aquamarine and diamond ring in the case.

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Gasps and more giggles exploded from my co-workers when they

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Comments (0) Feb 28 2010