Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, anger, anxiety, baby, behavior, boobs, breasts, bus, cab, car, check, community, companion, compliment, cop, country, couple, cure, depression, dialect, duty, earth, eyes, fashion, favor, feeling, feelings, fool, foreign, funds, funny, glasses, global, globe, gold, health, highway, hilarious, homeless, hotel, humor, husband, idiot, Jamaica, Jamaican, job, jokes, journey, Kingston, labor, land, language, laughter, letter, license, man, money, morning, moron, motel, music, neighbor, neighborhood, officer, others, partner, path, patois, patrolman, penis, phone, policeman, private, prostitute, pussy, reggae, road, sex, sheriff, smiles, sound, Spanish Town, spouse, stress, stupid, style, sunglasses, system, task, taxes, taxi, teeth, time, touch, tour, tourist, traffic, travel, trip, trooper, truck, universe, vagina, vehicle, vernacular, village, voice, weight, whore, wife, woman, words, work, world
You have probably heard that they will be putting toll booths on parts of Highway 2000 in JA. This is probably what the first day will be like:
..
Toll Booth Collector: Morning sir, the toll will be $55.
Skinny the Taximan: $55 unda yuh Mumma! Yuh know how long mi a drive pon dis yah road yah and now oonu want come charge man fi drive pon we owna road. Is kill oonu want kill off poor people! Mi naw pay dat!
..
TB Collector: Sir, you don’t have a choice, please pay the toll or I’ll be forced to call the officer standing right over there.
Skinny: Which officer yuh a talk bout? Weh part him deh?
..
TB Collector: Yuh see the officer standing over there with the gold-teeth, the dark glasses, the bend-up face, and the M-16? Yes dat same one?
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Oct 12 2008
Posted: under "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something".
Tags: advice, belief, blessings, care, Christ, comfort, depression, faith, favor, feeling, forgiveness, gentleness, gladness, glory, God, gold, happiness, heart, Heaven, Jesus, joy, life, link, Lord, love, mercy, mind, moment, music, peace, power, praise, prayer, psalm, purity, rejoicing, rivers, salvation, scripture, season, soul, spirit, Thanksgiving, tips, understanding, video, wisdom, world
.
DISCOURAGED
..
Therefore the redeemed of the Lord
shall return, and come with singing
unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall
be upon their head: they shall obtain
gladness and joy; and sorrow and
mourning shall flee away.
Isaiah 51:11
+ + + +
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though
now for a season, if need be, ye are in
heaviness through manifold :
That the trial of your faith, being
much more precious than of gold that
perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might
be found unto praise and honour and glory
at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Whom having not seen, ye love; in
whom, though now ye see him not, yet
believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable
and full of glory:
Receiving the end of your faith, even
the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:6-9
..
WORRIED
..
Casting all your care upon him; for
he careth for you.
1 Peter 5:7
+ + + +
Let not your heart be troubled: ye
believe in God , believe also in me.
John 14:1
+ + + +
Be careful for nothing; but in every
thing by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving let your requests be made
known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth
all understanding, shall keep your hearts and
minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:6, 7
..
LONELY
..
Let your conversation be without
.
.
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Aug 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, age, air, airplane, airport, attendant, beauty, birth, birthday, bishop, brain, check, clothing, cloud, clouds, contribution, designer, destination, elderly, era, exam, eyes, fashion, favor, flight, funds, funny, gift, glamour, granny, hair, hairdo, hairstyle, hand, hands, hilarious, honesty, humor, jet, jokes, journey, language, laughter, loan, man, minister, money, mother, mother-in-law, pastor, perception, period, pilot, plane, pope, preacher, present, priest, quiz, reverend, seniors, sign, sky, smiles, sound, style, surprise, test, time, tips, title, token, tool, tools, tour, tourist, travel, trip, updo, voice, woman, words
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?”
“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you dear but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father no one will question you.”
When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked : “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The official thought this answer strange, so he asked again, “And what do you have to declare from
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Aug 03 2008
Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY".
Tags: age, beacon, beauty, belief, bell, bishop, bus, car, cemetery, christmas, church, companion, couple, day, direction, earth, era, example, eyes, faith, family, favor, flame, friends, friendship, ghost, global, globe, gospel, health, holidays, home, House, husband, inspiration, journey, language, letter, light, love, man, mayor, memorial, message, minister, others, partner, pastor, perception, phone, pope, prayer, preacher, priest, responsibility, reverend, road, role model, sermon, service, spirit, spouse, star, Sunday, thought, ticket, time, train, travel, trip, truck, universe, valley, vehicle, vision, wife, woman, words, world
*****************
All stories copyright 2008 Bob Perks
Today’s message:
..
“Love is Made Visible”
by Bob Perks
.
“Who is responsible for this?” the pastor asked.
“I can’t believe that no one has taken care of it.
I have been getting phone calls for two days.
I didn’t know what to tell them.”
.
For longer than anyone can remember the old Gospel
Church atop the hill in Reddington Valley served as a
beacon for those who were lost. Not just spiritually
but even as a land mark for giving directions.
.
“Turn down Main Street and head toward the brightest
star in the sky. You can’t miss it,” a traveler
would hear.
.
You see, on top of the old church steeple was a big
bright star. It was all one piece and lighted by a
huge light bulb. They actually had placed it up there
as part of a Christmas
display and never took it down.
.
But two days ago the bulb burned out. The entire town
was lost without it. It seemed that the locals were all
turned about at night. The confusion started when
someone passing through happened to stop the mayor to
ask for directions.
.
“I looked up and pointed to the star. It wasn’t there.
Thinking I was facing the wrong way, I turned around
looking for it but couldn’t find it,” he said.
“I think that guy is still riding around town.”
.
Soon the phone started ringing at the old Gospel
Church. People wanted to know what happened. The
problem was even the Pastor didn’t know. That star
was just always there. He had no idea who kept it
lit or where the light bulbs were. That is until
the phone rang late that afternoon.
.
“Pastor. I’m hoping you can help us,” the man said.
“This is Chief Robertson. We just got back from the
Delaney house. We found old Jim Delaney dead. It seems
he’s been dead about two days.”
.
“I’m sorry. I must tell you that I’m not familiar with the
man,” the Pastor said.
.
“No one seems to be,” the Chief replied. “There are no
known relatives or friends available.”
.
“Well, if it’s a burial service you are looking for, I’d
be pleased to do it,” said the Pastor.
.
“That would be great. But there is something else.
I’d like for you to come by in about an hour if you can.
The house is up the dirt road on Bishop’s Hill across the
valley from your church.”
.
“I’ll be there,” he replied.
.
The Pastor arrived just as Chief Robertson pulled in.
“What is it you wanted me to see, Chief?”
.
“Come inside. I think you’ll need this stuff.”
.
As they entered the home you could see stacks of unopened
mail along with various books scattered about.
.
“Over here, Pastor. I believe this is for you.”
.
There on the mantle of the fireplace was a box with a small
white envelope attached. It said “From the star keeper to
The Gospel Church”
.
The note inside it read:
.
“To whom it may concern:
.
Back in 1950 my beautiful wife Mildred became ill. We
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Jul 23 2008