Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, air, arm, arms, aroma, beans, birth, birthday, bridge, car, cemetery, companion, couple, decision, destination, dinner, duty, effect, eggs, era, family, fart, feeling, flowers, food, force, fragrance, friends, funny, gas, ghost, girl, hand, hands, highway, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, legs, love, man, marriage, movement, noise, obituary, odor, partner, party, passion, path, peas, perfume, period, phone, power, prize, promise, repairs, restaurant, road, sacrifice, scent, smell, smiles, sound, spouse, surprise, tablecloth, task, time, travel, trip, vehicle, weight, wife, wind, winner, woman, words, work
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Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them.
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One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
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Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.
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Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you.”
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
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When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin
and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful
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Feb 27 2012
Posted: under "YUMMY FOOD FOR THOUGHT".
Tags: African, awards, beacon, black, blacks, blessings, bliss, Bob Marley, career, celebrity, color, colors, dream, feeling, feelings, flame, food, genius, goodness, guitarist, happiness, hope, icon, inspiration, Jamaica, Jamaican, joy, legend, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, lighthouse, love, message, music, musician, pain, peace, race, reggae, rhythm, skill, sound, talent, thought, torch, trophy, vision, voice
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“One good thing about music,
when it hits you,
you feel no pain”
- Bob Marley
Feb 19 2012
Posted: under "YUMMY FOOD FOR THOUGHT".
Tags: actor, actress, advice, aid, angel, angels, anxiety, beacon, bliss, burden, candle, care, caring, cheer, comedian, comedy, concern, concert, cross, cure, dance, depression, feeling, fire, flame, flight, food, fun, funtime, game, goodness, happiness, healing, health, heart, humanity, humor, joy, laughter, learning, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, love, man, medication, medicine, morning, movie, music, neighbor, neighborhood, others, pageant, pain, party, pencil, play, quotes, remedies, scripture, sharing, show, sign, smiles, sport, sports, storm, stress, struggles, sunshine, thought, tips, torch, weight, woman, worries
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Laugh a little and feel your heart lighten,
When life has you feeling weighed down.
—————-
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Feb 16 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, age, argument, attorney, bank, care, career, check, court, cure, dance, day, doctor, duty, encouragement, era, exam, feeling, feelings, funds, funny, gynecologist, health, hilarious, history, hospital, humor, job, jokes, judge, labor, laughter, law, lawyer, letter, loan, mail, man, medical, medication, medicine, money, office, others, party, period, pharmacist, pharmacy, physician, quiz, remedies, rules, smiles, specialist, surgeon, surprise, task, test, time, tips, woman, work
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Billing
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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people
describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical
advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
“What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice
when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a
bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
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Feb 15 2012
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
Tags: advice, antioxidant, appetite, bean, beans, bird, bliss, cake, cancer, chicken, chili, cold, color, colors, diet, duty, eggnog, eggs, energy, feeling, fiber, focus, food, fruit, fruits, habit, happiness, health, holiday, ice, ingredient, ingredients, inspiration, job, joy, labor, life, lifestyle, Mathematics, meal, meat, memory, mood, new year, oil, peas, pepper, plant, plants, power, protein, recipe, season, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, sugar, task, tips, veggie, veggies, vitamin, vitamins, winter
5 foods you should be eating….
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Sugary cakes. Glazed hams. Egg nog. That’s all behind you now. Wipe the slate clean and start the new year on a healthy note by focusing on vitamin-rich foods that you can incorporate into every meal going forward.
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The best way to reset your eating habits after the holidays is to stock your fridge with fresh, nutrient-rich foods that give you energy and improve your mood. Here’s a list of the top five:
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LENTILS
These beans are filled with high-quality vegetarian protein and fiber, which boost energy and mood. They’re inexpensive and they cook up in 30 minutes or less. Suggests making large pots of lentil soup or lentil chili so you can freeze the leftovers.
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BRUSSELS SPROUTS
Toss some Brussels sprouts on a baking sheet, add olive oil and salt, and then bake until they’re crispy. We have no doubt they will become your favorite veggie. Added bonus: They’re only 55 calories per cup and they help fight cancer and boost memory.
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Jan 05 2012
Posted: under Inspirational Poetry, Inspirationals.
Tags: advice, age, alcohol, bar, beer, belief, bliss, brandy, care, cemetery, champagne, cloud, clouds, color, colors, community, concern, courage, dream, drunk, duty, earth, era, eyes, faith, feeling, fire, friends, friendship, ghost, gin, global, globe, happiness, history, hope, inspiration, job, joy, kindness, labor, language, life, link, liquor, love, man, moment, morning, music, neighbor, neighborhood, new year, others, party, perception, period, pub, rum, scotch, strength, task, tequila, time, tips, universe, video, vision, voice, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words, work, world
“Happy New Year“
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Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I
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Jan 02 2012