Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, All Fool's Day, April Fool's Day, attorney, boobs, breasts, cemetery, companion, couple, court, dumb, elderly, era, exam, excitement, eyes, feeling, feelings, fool, friends, friendship, funny, ghost, girl, hand, hands, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, idiot, jokes, judge, knowledge, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, life, lifestyle, lifetime, lovemaking, man, moron, movement, obituary, others, partner, passion, passionate, period, personality, quiz, seniors, sex, silly, smiles, spouse, spring, stupid, test, thought, time, tool, tools, touch, wife, woman, words, youth
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Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
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Little old lady:
I am 94 years old.
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Defense Attorney:
Will you please tell us in your own words,
what happened on the night of April 1st?
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Little old lady:
There I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening
when a young man comes creeping up
and sat down next to me.
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Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
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Little old lady:
No, but he was friendly.
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Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
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Little old lady:
He rubbed my thigh.
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Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
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Little old lady:
No.
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Defense Attorney:
Why not?
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Little old lady:
It felt good.
No one had touched me since my Albert died.
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Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
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Little old lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
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Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
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Little old lady:
No.
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Defense Attorney:
Why not?
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Little old lady:
Read More
Apr 15 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: aid, assignment, care, child, children, class, classroom, concern, day, duty, exam, family, focus, fool, friends, friendship, funny, granny, hand, hands, hilarious, holiday, holidays, home, homework, House, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, laughter, love, moron, pencil, Professor, quiz, reading, school, silly, smiles, son, stupid, surprise, task, teacher, test, thought, tool, tools, tutor, vacation, work
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Homework
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Two boys, Kelley and Mackenzie, are in the same class
at school. They are best friends.
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Mackenzie went away on a vacation and
Kelley offered to pick up his homework for the week.
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At the end of the week, his mom asked, “Where is
Mackenzie’s homework?”
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“Well, I dit it,” he replied. “I didn’t want him
Read More
Mar 08 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, air, arm, arms, aroma, beans, birth, birthday, bridge, car, cemetery, companion, couple, decision, destination, dinner, duty, effect, eggs, era, family, fart, feeling, flowers, food, force, fragrance, friends, funny, gas, ghost, girl, hand, hands, highway, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, legs, love, man, marriage, movement, noise, obituary, odor, partner, party, passion, path, peas, perfume, period, phone, power, prize, promise, repairs, restaurant, road, sacrifice, scent, smell, smiles, sound, spouse, surprise, tablecloth, task, time, travel, trip, vehicle, weight, wife, wind, winner, woman, words, work
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Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them.
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One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
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Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.
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Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you.”
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
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When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin
and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful
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Feb 27 2012
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
Tags: abroad, Africa, African-American, age, aid, aim, air, America, American, beacon, black, blacks, car, Caribbean, charity, children, classic, cold, color, colors, contribution, country, destination, dinner, donation, drugs, duty, earth, era, example, fashion, fire, flame, food, foreign, Frederick Douglass, future, gas, gift, global, globe, goal, grown ups, hand, hands, hero, history, home, House, humor, ice, inspiration, invention, island, Jamaica, Jamaican, job, journey, knowledge, labor, land, laughter, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, love, magazine, mail, Malcolm X, man, Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King, mind, model, nation, others, path, pencil, period, power, present, pumps, quotes, race, road, role model, sharing, sign, smiles, style, task, team, ticket, time, token, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, universe, vehicle, W.E.B. Dubois, wealth, wishes, woman, work, world, youth
Martin Luther King
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Share with your Children
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Life Without Black People
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A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white people who were fed up with African Americans, so they joined together and wished themselves away. They passed through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of a twilight zone where there is an America without black people.
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At first these white people breathed a sigh of relief.
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‘At last’, they said, ‘no more crime, drugs, violence and welfare.’
. All of the blacks have gone! Then suddenly, reality set in. The ‘NEW AMERICA’ is not America at all - only a barren land. Read More
Feb 07 2012
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
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This is hilarious! A true classic.
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A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
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The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
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‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
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The lawyer asks the first question.
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‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
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The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
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Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
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He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
Read More
Feb 07 2012
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY", "Life is precious handle with PRAYER!", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, aid, aim, air, anxiety, baby, bank, belief, blessings, bliss, care, career, caring, charity, check, child, college, comfort, community, companion, compassion, contribution, couple, dad, depression, difference, donation, duty, earth, era, eyes, faith, family, father, father-in-law, finger, fingers, friends, friendship, funds, gas, gift, global, globe, goal, God, granny, gratitude, hand, hands, happiness, heart, history, home, House, hug, hugs, husband, idea, ideas, inspiration, job, joy, labor, land, language, life, lifestyle, lifetime, listening, love, man, marriage, memory, moment, money, mood, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, need, needs, neighbor, neighborhood, others, parents, partner, period, power, prayer, pride, reason, rivers, school, sharing, smiles, sound, spouse, stream, stress, surprise, task, thankfulness, thought, time, token, trust, truth, universe, voice, water, wealth, wife, wind, woman, words, work, world
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Whirlwind
==========
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I have no idea why I am sitting here about to tell the world
about my situation, but maybe it will help someone.
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A little over a year ago I found myself back home, working two
jobs, single, feeling alone and pregnant.
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Now the reason for me being back home was so that I could save
some money so that I might be able to buy my first home. I was
working two jobs so that I could pay my current bills off.
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I also wanted to start a new career. I was a nail tech and an
intake person. I was 28 years old, a single woman longing to be
married but finding myself alone and pregnant which I thought
would never happen.
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My mother and step-father gave me the option to move in for one
year so that I could save a little faster. Well my year had
come to a close and it was time to go, if you know what I mean.
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One day I felt like I was sitting in a chair in the middle of
the room and looking above only to see the whirlwind of my
problems going around me. I was like “wow if I get pulled up
into this mess I’d just keel over.” Well you know what happened
next. Our words do have power because all of a sudden it seems
as though I became trapped in this whirlwind.
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I then began to give up until I remembered that God said that we
should cast all of our worries unto Him, so I began to pray a
prayer with all my heart. With faith I believed that He would
fix all of this, but I didn’t quite know how.
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The next day while working at the nail shop around 5 p.m.,
I began to tell a client of mine about my situation. After
crying all over myself at the end of her appointment, she gave
me a big hug and said that I was strong and everything would
work itself out. Now that was the last thing that I wanted to
hear. I was in trouble and needed major help.
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So by the end of my shift around 10 p.m. that client of mine who
Read More
Jan 23 2012