Little Old Lady

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

 

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Little old lady:

I am 94 years old.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Will you please tell us in your own words,

what happened on the night of April 1st?

 

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Little old lady:

There I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening

when a young man comes creeping up

and sat down next to me.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

 

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Little old lady:

No, but he was friendly.

 

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Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?

 

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Little old lady:

He rubbed my thigh.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

 

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Little old lady:

No.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Why not?

 

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Little old lady:

It felt good.

No one had touched me since my Albert died.

 

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Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

 

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Little old lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

 

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Little old lady:

No.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Why not?

 

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Little old lady:

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Comments (0) Apr 15 2012

Ride To The Airport‏

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
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Ride To The Airport
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Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast
and was taking a limousine to the airport.

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Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
drive for a while. The chauffeur didn’t really have much of a
choice, so he got in the back of the limo and Rev. Graham took
the wheel.

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He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.

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Soon the blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his
rearview mirror.

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He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.

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When the trooper saw who it was, he said,
“Just a moment, please, I need to call in.”

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The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.

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He said, “I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I
need to know what to do.”

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The chief replied, “Who is it, I hope not Ted Kennedy?”
The trooper said, “No, even more important.”

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“It isn’t the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?” asked the chief.

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“No, even more important,” replied the trooper.

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Comments (0) Apr 15 2012

Riddle me this … Riddle me that …

Posted: under Games.
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Guess me this Riddle …

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Or, perhaps, Not … ???!!!!

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What do you call a dog with no legs ??

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Dont Stop

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Comments (0) Apr 04 2012

The Pig

Posted: under Jamaican Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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A man and a woman were having sex when the woman asked if she could have the man’s pig.

The man said, “Yes, in the morning.”

 

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When they got out of bed and went outside she asked if she could have the pig now.

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Comments (0) Apr 04 2012

Prince Harry jammin’ to Reggae in beautiful Jamaica

Posted: under "Jamaica Labrish Korner", "Jazzy REGGAE ~ Irie Riddim", "SMILE" Jamaica ~ "Once You Go --- You Know", "Welcome to JAMrock ~ JAMAICA ~ NO PROBLEM".
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Jamprid.png Jamaican Pride Flag image by TFlareKC3

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Irie!!!

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Party Prince Harry danced his socks off in blue suede shoes during his royal visit to Jamaica.

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The prince was visiting Kingston when he was pulled to his feet by attractive

Chantol Dormer.

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The 27-year-old royal proved that his rhythm was on par with jammin’ style as he boogey-down to a rendition of reggae legend Bob Marley’s “One Love”.

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That night Harry attended a black tie state dinner with Prime Minister

Mrs Portia Simpson.

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In a well-received speech the prince had his audience eating out of his hand with a few jokes in the local patois.

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He said: ‘I count it a great privilege to be standing here tonight, representing The Queen in Jamaica on her Diamond Jubilee. Her Majesty has asked me to extend her great good wishes to you all, and is sorry that she can’t be here - so you’re stuck with me… but don’t worry, cos every liddle ting gonna be aright! ‘

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‘Your vibrancy and vigour, your wonderful welcome to visitors and your island’s natural beauties - all combine to make Jamaica unique. ‬‪The Queen recognised this.

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Comments (0) Mar 14 2012

A MountainWings Moment - Tampons

Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
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Tampons
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My son told me how wonderful the care packages we had sent them
from the ladies auxiliary were and wanted me to tell everyone
thank you.

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He said that one guy we’ll call Marine X, got a female care
package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said,
‘Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone
really likes it, so every time he goes to sleep they steal it
from him.’ I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake,
and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told
me not to worry about Marine X because every time I send
something to him, he shares it with Marine X.

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He said when my husband and I sent the last care package, Marine
X came over to his cot picked up the box, started fishing
through it, and said, ‘What’d we get this time?’

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But my son said they had the most fun with Marine X’s package.
He said he wasn’t sure who it was supposed to go to, but the
panties were size 20, and he said one of the guys got on top of
the Humvee and jumped off with the panties over his head and
yelled, ‘Look at me, I’m an Airborne Ranger!!!!’

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One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew
in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for
quite awhile. Then of course…….they had those tampons. When
he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he
continued.

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My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the
Chap-Stick and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the
items from his care package and got in the Humvee. As luck would
have it he grabbed the tampons too, and my son said everyone was
teasing him about ‘not forgetting his feminine hygiene
products.’

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He said things went well for a while, then the convoy was
ambushed and a Marine was shot. He said the wound was pretty
clean, but it was deep. He said they were administering first
aid but couldn’t get the bleeding to slow down, and someone
said, ‘Hey! Use Marine X’s tampons!’ My son said they put the
tampon in the wound. At this point my son profoundly told Me,


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Comments (0) Mar 09 2012