Posted: under Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: accomplishment, accomplishments, action, advice, age, anxiety, argument, beauty, belief, blessings, bliss, boss, candle, candles, care, change, children, class, classroom, day, deed, deeds, depression, dream, dreams, dress, duty, elderly, empathy, energy, enthusiasm, era, exercise, faith, family, feeling, feelings, forgiveness, friends, fun, funtime, gratitude, happiness, healing, history, inspiration, job, joy, labor, laughter, leader, learning, lesson, life, lifetime, link, love, man, manager, Mathematics, memory, morning, music, occasion, others, peace, photos, present, purpose, relaxation, rest, school, seniors, short, show, sleep, smiles, stress, supervisor, task, thankfulness, thought, time, tips, today, touch, vampire, video, woman, work
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CLICK
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on the link below
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OR
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copy & paste into your browser…
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Nov 06 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, belief, birthday, body, breakfast, bus, car, channel, cheer, child, church, coffee, courage, day, diamonds, diet, dinner, duty, encouragement, era, exercise, experience, faith, fool, funny, gift, global, globe, gratitude, gym, health, hilarious, history, humanity, humor, instruction, instructions, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, leg, legs, life, listening, message, morning, moron, mother, path, present, road, sandwich, Saturday, service, smiles, snack, snacks, sound, sport, strength, stupid, sugar, Sunday, surprise, task, tea, teacher, teeth, television, thankfulness, time, today, traffic, travel, treats, trip, truck, universe, vampire, vehicle, voice, weight, woman, words, work, world
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A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
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If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
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Dear Diary,
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For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 40 something years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
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I started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:
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I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
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The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
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Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was
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Nov 03 2011
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accident, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, bliss, bus, car, champagne, chance, check, cold, companion, couple, court, day, diet, drunk, eyes, family, funny, gin, hands, happiness, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, journey, joy, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, licence, license, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, morning, New York, partner, path, pub, rain, recipe, road, rum, scotch, season, short, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, time, traffic, travel, truck, vehicle, vodka, weather, whiskey, wife, wine, winter, woman, words
Add a teaspoon of it
To your diet each day
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My sister said its so cold where she is
that she saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!
><><
Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,
”Oh my God”. The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,
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Oct 29 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Advice & Tips.
Tags: ability, advice, appetite, argument, body, breakfast, calories, carrots, check, choices, cholesterol, diet, dieter, eggs, fat, feeling, fiber, fish, food, fruits, health, learning, lifestyle, man, Mathematics, meal, morning, nuts, power, protein, reason, research, secret, sign, signal, snacks, success, taste, time, tips, vegetable, veggies, weight, woman
It’s true: Apples can help you stay thin. (Thinkstock)
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You don’t need fancy plans or complicated point systems to be thin. All you need to do is make smart food choices, watch your portion sizes and stay active.
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“Learning to eat properly for a lifetime is more beneficial,” Korsberg said. “The emphasis should be on choosing healthful foods every day and changing lifestyles for the better.” .
So instead of sticking to diet fare, fill up on nutritious, wholesome foods. And if you need some recommendations, you can start with these five options, which are among the many delicious foods that make a good addition to healthy eating while keeping you slender.
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Apples
Apples are a good source of dietary fiber. Dietary fiber not only contributes to a healthy digestive system and reduced cholesterol, but it also benefits smart eaters by yielding no calories while keeping them satisfied.
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And there’s something else about the fruit that might help you feel full. A study in the journal Read More
Jul 08 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Advice & Tips.
Tags: advice, aid, antioxidant, appetite, aroma, body, brain, broccoli, calcium, calories, carbohydrates, carrots, couple, day, diet, dieter, dinner, effect, eggs, fat, feast, fiber, flavor, food, fruits, health, heart, loss, lunch, man, Mathematics, meal, meat, morning, odor, oil, others, pepper, protein, recipe, research, result, rice, salad, scent, show, smell, snacks, stomach, sugar, taste, thought, tips, treats, vegetables, veggie, veggies, weight, wheat, woman, yogurt
11 Foods for Faster, Easier Weight Loss
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Hold this thought: To lose weight effectively and permanently, you need to eat. And eat smart. Happily, nature designed a lot of delicious edibles to turn up your fat-burning furnace, flatten your belly, and take a big bite out of your appetite.
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Here are 11 of the get-slim food gems we’re talking about. . . . .
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Yogurt
Mmmm. This creamy, tangy snack is loaded with calcium — and studies show that calcium may curtail weight gain by hindering the absorption of fat in the small intestine.
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Eggs
Turn breakfast into a fat-burning morning boost by skipping the stack of pancakes and feasting on
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Jun 01 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: belief, camp, decision, deer, eyes, fish, fishing, funny, hairstyle, hilarious, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, man, Mathematics, morning, sleep, smiles, time, voter
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Seven guys were at deer camp. Three had to bunk two to a room.
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No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
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The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”
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He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
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The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
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He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink. I just watched him all night.”
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The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.
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Mar 06 2010