Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, jokes, mother-in-law, wife
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
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Apr 19 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, jokes, money, mother-in-law
George Bush — rearrange the letters — He bugs Gore.
Dormitory — rearrange the letters — Dirty Room.
Evangelist — rearrange the letters — Evil’s Agent.
Desperation — rearrange the letters — A Rope Ends It.
The Morse Code — rearrange the letters — Here Come Dots.
Slot Machines — rearrange the letters — Cash Lost In ‘Em.
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Oct 18 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: airline, children, couple, flight, funny, hilarious, honeymoon, husband, jokes, man, marriage, mother-in-law, plane, sex, spouse, wedding, wife, woman
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges.” Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra Long. King Size.” She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.
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Oct 15 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, jokes, money, mother-in-law, officer, penis, rectum, rolex, wife
Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each word in a sentence ..*
…
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctor’s and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel”…..
9. Undermine - There’s a fine lookin’ ho who live in the apartment undermine.
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Oct 12 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, beer, champagne, child, couple, drunk, father-in-law, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, man, mother-in-law, parents, rum, sex, son-in-law, spouse, tequila, vibrator, vodka, whiskey, wife, wine, woman
AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER’S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A
STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN.
OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL
WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.
.
SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: “WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?”
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: “MOM, I’M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD, UNMARRIED, AND
THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I’LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO
AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE.”
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Sep 30 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: accident, bird, cab, car, cat, couple, family, funny, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, laughter, man, mother, mother-in-law, parrot, party, phone, smiles, spouse, taxi, traffic, wife, woman
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn’t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn’t want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”
Read More
Sep 27 2008