Darwin Awards for 2011

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

photo

.

The Darwins are out !!!!  

.                                              
 

 

Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are  
  bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. 

.                         
                                                                            
  Here is the glorious winner: 

.                                           
                                                                            
  1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim    
  during a hold-up in Long Beach , California  would-be robber James      
  Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the    
  barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.   

.             
                                                                            
  And now, the honorable mentions:         

.                               
                                                                            
  2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting    
  machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his    
  insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its  
  men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a  
  finger. The chef’s claim was approved.   

.                              
                                                                            
  3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car      
  during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman  
  had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.  

.                      
                                                                            
  4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver  
  found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting    
  from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his            
  incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone  
  waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the      
  mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable 
  and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3  
  days.      

.                                                              
                                                                            
  5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head 
  wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the  
  injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close 
  he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

.               
                                                                            
  6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the        
  counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,    
  the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which  
  the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and    
  fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he  
  got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives    
  you money, is a crime committed?]    

.                                    
                                                                            
  7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that 
  he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some  
  booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his  

Read More

Comments (0) Feb 06 2012

Smile: A Guide to Headache Remedies

Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Advice & Tips.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 

photo

.

 

Bath by Bettijo Relief Organic Stick
Bath by Bettijo Relief
Organic Stick

Head hurts? Try one of these doctor-approved pain relievers.

.

Relaxation Techniques

.

Best for: Soothing stress before a headache starts.

Read More

Comments (0) Apr 12 2011

A MountainWings Moment - The Power of Touch‏

Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", "Life is precious handle with PRAYER!", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

photo

  

.

The Power of Touch
==================
.
I worked as a medical/surgical nurse at a busy hospital and was
young in years and experience when this happened.


I had a patient to care for on my night shift along with eight
others. This particular patient did not talk, move or even give
me eye response when I was speaking to her.

.
 
She was alone; no family. She was a DNR (do not resuscitate),
no heroic measures for her, just let her be.
She was on the telemonitor, which watches what the heart is
doing, rate, rhythm, etc.


After I did my initial assessment (like a physical exam), I
repositioned her, placed pillows at the areas known to have
skin breakdown (any bony prominence) and tried to make her
more comfortable. Then I went to speak to the nurse watching
the telemonitor for the shift so I could find out her rhythm,
etc. to put in my nurse’s notes.


I was shocked when she pointed to the screen that displayed my
patient, “This is what a dying heart looks like.”

.
 
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She didn’t look to be in
any distress when I was just with her. I asked a few questions
then quickly went back to the patient. Still no change.

.
 
As the evening went on, I got patients admitted from the emergency
room and things got very busy. I had to make time to check on my
“special” lady.

.
 
Every four hours I like to check vital signs if someone is in
this state. I took them again; pulse rate and blood pressure
were lower. I was standing at the bedside and could talk to the
telemonitor nurse over the intercom in the room. I asked her if
there has been any change.

.
 
“The heart rate is 60 and dropping.” While I was checking blood
pressure and breathing rate, suddenly there were two other
nurses and several nurses aide’s in the room. Since she was DNR,
there was absolutely nothing we could do.

.
 
The other members stood and watched as the voice over the
intercom said, “Heart rate is 50 and dropping.” Her respiratory
rate dropped from the normal 20 a minute to 15 then 10.
She was going.

.
I stood there feeling completely helpless. I must do something.
The only thing to do was pray.

.
 
“Heart rate is 40.”

.
 
I prayed silently and looked around the room. Everyone was just
standing, watching, with their hands clasped in front of them.
She was not struggling, but lying peacefully with her hands across
her chest, rising slower and slower as her breaths decreased.


Speaking to the intercom I said, “Her breathing is 5.”
Of course I am touching her while checking blood pressure but it
is not the same as “touching” her.
After a moment her breathing stopped completely.

Read More

Comments (2) Oct 19 2010

Jamaica’s Happy Home Recipe

Posted: under "A TASTE of the TROPICS", "DID YOU KNOW", "Jamaica Labrish Korner", "Jamaica ~ Land Of Paradise", "SMILE" Jamaica ~ "Once You Go --- You Know", "Welcome to JAMrock ~ JAMAICA ~ NO PROBLEM".
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

 Port Antonio Harbour and Navy Island by Striderv. 

Port Antonio Harbor and Navy Island, Jamaica
.

RECIPE

.

4 cups of love                    5 spoons of hope

2 cups of loyalty                   2 spoons of tenderness

3 cups of forgiveness                    4 quarts of faith

1 cup of friendship                    1 barrel of laughter

.

friendship by another story

 .

Take love and loyalty.  Mix it thoroughly with faith.

Read More

Comments (0) Mar 21 2010

My Career Path

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Day 238 of 365 by evaxebra.  

.

I started as a fishmonger but the work made me selfish.

.

My next job was in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.

.

Then I worked as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

.

After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it – it was a sew-sew job.

.

Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

.

I attempted to work in a deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

.

Next, was a job in a shoe shop. I felt so down at heel that I became depressed and soulful.

.

Then I became a fisherman. But I discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

.

I managed to get a job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

.

Read More

Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

Nursery Rhymes - Jamaican Style

Posted: under "Jamaica Labrish Korner", Funny Poetry, Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Humpty Dumpty by Apt3Photography

.

Jamaican Jokes

.

Mary had a likkle lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes down quite a treat,
with rice and hard dough bread .

* * *

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to de fair.
Said Simple Simon to de Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said de Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you fool whappin, you a hidiot!!

* * *

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Read More

Comments (4) Mar 08 2010