Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny Poetry, Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, art, attitude, behavior, belt, body, butt, car, check, child, children, class, classroom, computer, control, depression, dinner, duty, earrings, education, educator, exam, example, eyes, fashion, food, freedom, funds, funny, God, granny, hairstyle, hands, hilarious, home, House, hug, hugs, humor, influence, internet, job, jokes, kisses, labor, lake, language, laughter, law, learning, lesson, life, lunch, moment, money, moral, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movie, ocean, online, pants, parent, pastor, phone, pond, pool, prayer, preacher, priest, Professor, reading, recipe, rectum, reverend, rivers, road, role model, rules, school, sea, service, smiles, snack, snacks, stream, stress, style, task, teacher, television, test, today, touch, traffic, travel, treats, tutor, values, vehicle, voice, water, waterfall, waterfalls, words, work
.
Don’t Mess with Mom
====================
.
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He’d decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
~*~
“Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The “Children’s Bill of Rights.”
~*~
It says I need not clean my room,
don’t have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
~*~
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
and I sure don’t have to pray.
~*~
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
~*~
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with the crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
~*~
Don’t you ever touch me,
my body’s only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
~*~
Don’t preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
Read More
Dec 04 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, car, fish, fishing, fool, funny, hilarious, humor, idiot, jokes, journey, lake, laughter, license, man, minister, moron, ocean, others, pastor, pond, preacher, priest, rivers, road, sea, smiles, stream, travel, trip, vehicle, water, woman
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A local priest and pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The End is Near!
.
Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.
.
One driver that drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them:
. “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” .
All of a sudden they heard a big SPLASH! The priest and the pastor Read More
May 31 2011
Posted: under Inspirationals.
Tags: aid, beauty, blessings, bliss, Caribbean, eyes, feelings, gold, happiness, inspiration, island, Jamaica, journey, joy, knowledge, lake, land, life, love, moment, Montego Bay, mountain, ocean, Ocho Rios, others, paradise, photos, pond, rivers, road, sea, smiles, stream, time, travel, trip, understanding, voice, water, wisdom
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Love Island
============
.
Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings
lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others,
including love.
.
One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island
was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean.
So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave.
.
Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve
the island paradise until the last possible moment.
.
When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was
time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.
Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked,
“Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?”
Richness answered, ” I’m sorry, but there is a lot of silver and
gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere.”
.
Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a
beautiful vessel. Love cried out, “Vanity, help me please.”
“I can’t help you”, Vanity said, “You are all wet and will
damage my beautiful boat.”
.
Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, “Sadness, please
let me go with you.” Sadness answered, “Love, I’m sorry, but, I
just need to be alone now.”
.
Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, ” Happiness, please
take me with you.” But Happiness was so overjoyed that he
didn’t hear Love calling to him.
.
Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, “Come Love,
I will take you with me.” It was an elder.
.
Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the
Read More
May 29 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY".
Tags: account, activity, age, aid, America, anxiety, bank, bliss, Britain, care, caring, cemetery, charity, check, child, companion, computer, contribution, couple, dad, day, depression, difference, donation, duty, earth, England, era, Europe, experience, father, finance, fish, fishing, funds, funeral, generosity, ghost, global, globe, government, habit, happiness, history, home, House, husband, inspiration, internet, job, joy, labor, lake, land, life, lifestyle, lifetime, London, love, man, memories, money, neighbor, obituary, ocean, online, others, parent, partner, passion, period, pond, pool, rain, reading, reward, rivers, sea, sharing, spouse, stream, stress, task, time, token, trip, understanding, universe, value, water, wife, woman, work, world
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Writer Gary Jennings said this: “Love and time, those are the only
two things in all the world and all of life, that cannot be bought,
but only spent.”
.
I love that. And HOW I spend my love and time is what it is all
about.
.
My work and interests require me to spend probably an inordinate
amount of time in front of my computer. At least according to my
wife Bev.
.
She and I were talking one day about death and funerals and what to
do with each other’s remains. I asked. “What will you do with my
body? Burial? Cremation?”
.
She answered, “I think I’ll just have you stuffed and propped up in
your chair by the computer. That way when I walk through the room I
won’t even notice that you’re gone.”
.
I got the point - too much computer time. And how I spend my time
and my love is all important.
. The question I ask myself is this: “Do I generously and freely give
love and time away - and especially to those closest to me?”
.
Charles Francis Adams was the United States ambassador to Great
Britain during the Lincoln administration. He had the habit of
keeping a daily diary. He also taught his son Brooks the value of
journaling his activities in a diary.
. One memorable day, eight-year-old Brooks recorded, “Went fishing
with my father, the most glorious day of my life.” It must have been
a glorious day, for the next forty years Brooks repeatedly mentioned
it in his diary. It became a life-long memory.
.
His father also wrote about the fishing trip. His own diary on that Read More
Dec 31 2010
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: baptism, Baptist, bishop, cat, child, church, duty, eyes, funny, hilarious, humor, job, jokes, labor, lake, language, laughter, Little Johnny, man, minister, mother, ocean, parent, pastor, pond, pool, pope, preacher, priest, rain, reverend, rivers, sea, sermon, short, smiles, sound, stream, Sunday, task, thought, water, woman, words, work
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Johnny’s Mother looked out the window and noticed him “playing church” with their cat.
.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it.
.
She smiled and went about her work.
.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the
Read More
Apr 29 2010
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: accident, advice, age, aim, air, anger, babies, baby, beacon, beauty, belief, bell, bells, Bible, blessings, bliss, bouquet, breath, bridge, brilliance, burden, cancer, candle, candles, care, cemetery, challenge, check, Christ, clerk, cloud, clouds, cold, color, colors, comfort, Comforter, companion, concentration, couple, courage, creek, cross, cure, dad, depression, destination, divorce, doctor, drugs, encouragement, era, exam, experience, eyes, faith, family, father, feeling, feelings, fire, flame, florist, flowers, focus, force, friends, friendship, funds, gas, gem, gems, genuine, ghost, glory, goal, God, goodness, grace, gratitude, guidance, gynecologist, hair, hairstyle, happiness, healing, health, heart, highway, history, holiday, holidays, home, House, husband, ice, inspiration, Jesus, journey, joy, King, language, laughter, learning, lesson, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, Lord, love, mail, man, marriage, Mathematics, might, mind, moment, money, mountain, noise, obituary, ocean, others, pain, partner, path, perfection, period, phone, physician, power, prayer, promise, quiz, rain, rainbow, reading, Redeemer, rivers, rose, roses, Savior, sea, shape, shapes, sheep, shepherd, size, smiles, son, sound, source, specialist, spouse, spring, stream, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surgeon, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, Thanksgiving, thorn, thorns, thought, time, tips, torch, touch, travel, treasure, trials, tribulation, trip, triumph, triumphs, truck, trust, truth, vacation, value, vehicle, victory, voice, water, weight, wife, wind, woman, wonder, words, worries, worry
.
The Blessing Of Thorns
=======================
..
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed
against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had
been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of
her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her
ease.
..
During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.
She grieved over her loss. As if that weren’t enough, her
husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose
annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not
come.
..
What’s worse, Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her
grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to
empathize with others who suffer. “She has no idea what I’m
feeling,” thought Sandra with a shudder.
..
“Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?” she wondered aloud. For a
careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-
ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of
her child?
..
“Good afternoon, can I help you?”
..
The shop clerk’s approach startled her.
..
“I….I need an arrangement, “stammered Sandra. “For
Thanksgiving?
..
Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to
challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the
Thanksgiving Special?” asked the shop clerk.
..
“I’m convinced that flowers tell stories,” she continued.
..
“Are you looking for something that conveys ‘gratitude’ this
Thanksgiving?
..
“Not exactly!” Sandra blurted out. “In the last five months,
everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. ” Sandra
regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk
said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”
..
Then the door’s small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, “Hi
Barbara…let me get your order.” She politely excused herself
and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared,
Read More
Apr 06 2010