THE GREAT PHYSICIAN

Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
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Welcome to the Great Physician
Office hours are as you come,
He’s a Specialist in all problems
And His day is never done.
He can heal a heart that’s broken
He can mend the spirit, too,
No matter what your ailment
He does have the cure for you.
His fee for service never alters
He serves rich and poor as well,
He’s our one chance for Salvation,
He alone saves us from Hell.
There’s no fee for services rendered
All He asks is that we believe,
That He bled and died to save us
And all His blessings we will receive.
Do you have a special problem
That is troubling you this hour?

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Then just simply leave it with Him
You can find no greater power.
Don’t delay in seeking treatment
Please, my friend, don’t hesitate,
For His office is soon closing
And He’ll shut and lock the gate.
I wouldn’t want you to suffer
While the Doctor’s so close by,
Your whole life will be much better
If my Physician you will try.
In Case of Emergencies . . .

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Comments (0) Jan 30 2014

“Do you know what I am doing?”

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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Day 238 of 365 by evaxebra.  

 

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 One day this beautiful woman walked into a doctor’s office. 

 The doctor was bowled over by how stunningly awesome she was. 

All his professionalism went right out the window…
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He told her to take her pants off, she did, and he started rubbing her thighs.

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“Do you know what I am doing?” asked the doctor.

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“Yes, checking for abnormalities,” she replied.

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He told her to take off her shirt and bra, she took them off. 

The doctor began rubbing her breasts and asked, 

“Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replied, 

“Yes, checking for cancer.”

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Finally, he told her to take off her panties, laid her on the table, got

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Comments (0) Jul 12 2013

Rastaman in Court

Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
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A rastaman went to court for assaulting his boss.

The curious judge asked why he would attack his boss in a staff meeting.

 

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The rasta replied, “rasta nuh luv man!”

 

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The shocked judge asked, “did your boss make a sexual advance towards you?”

 

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The rasta replied, “no but from I walk inna di office, all mi hear dem talk bout is

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Comments (3) Apr 14 2013

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

Posted: under Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
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HOW TO STAY YOUNG

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1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them.’

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2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

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3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

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4. Enjoy the simple things.

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5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

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6. The tears happen.Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

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7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

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8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what

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Comments (0) Dec 05 2012

Grandpa’s IRS Audit

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
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The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

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The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

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The auditor said, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

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I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

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The auditor thinks for a moment and said, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

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Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

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The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

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Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

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Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

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Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

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Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

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The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

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‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks ‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

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The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

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Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make

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Comments (0) Dec 02 2012

A MountainWings Moment — Click - Click - Click‏

Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
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Click - Click - Click
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We had finished eating at an oriental restaurant in Barcelona.

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I learned in Spain, at least in Barcelona, they don’t hurry with
your check after your meal. Actually, they don’t bring it at
all until you ask for it. Quite different from America where
your dishes are often removed while you are still chewing and
your check is plopped down before you’ve swallowed.

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So we sat talking, no check in sight.

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Click - Click - Click

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What was that sound?

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I looked around. It was emanating from the cash register.
There was an elderly Chinese woman standing there. She was
adding up the day’s receipts as she passed receipts from one
pile to another like playing cards.

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The Click - Click - Click was the sound of the beads hitting
each other on an abacus. The receipts moved by with amazing
speed as her hands swiftly and expertly manipulated the ancient
adding machine.

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I watched - she added.

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In case you don’t know, an abacus is an ancient mathematical
machine. It looks like a picture frame with wire rods running
through it with beads the size of marbles on it.
It looks like a child’s toy.

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Click - Click - Click

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No power cord. No batteries. No plastic.
No LCD’s, LED’s, FET’s, LSI’s, or CRT’s.
No DOS, Linux, Palm OS, Android, iOS, Windows 98, 2000, ME, CE,
NT, XP, 7 or 8.

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Just wood, wire, beads, fingers,
and an old lady with focus and skill.

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Click - Click - Click

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The receipts flew by. I watched.

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I wondered, “could I add faster with a modern calculator?”

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I watched one pile of receipts shrink as the other grew.

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I type fairly fast. I can add on an adding machine fairly fast.
I’ve run a cash register and worked in an accounting office.

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I estimated my speed with the benefits of the latest silicon
technology against the old lady with wood, wire, and beads.

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As I watched the receipts fly, I knew I couldn’t keep up.

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Years ago, the army tested the electric calculator and it’s best
operator against a trained abacus user. Guess who won?

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The abacus was not only faster, but produced less mistakes.

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So what’s the point of Click - Click - Click?

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I have the latest gadgets, the most up to date electronics.
The phone on my belt has a calculator that would perform all
types of calculations with lightening speed. There was no way
the abacus could compare with the speed of my high-powered
megahertz processor.

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Then why did I feel I would lose in a contest with the abacus?

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Because the limiting factor was not the machine, it was me.

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We are conditioned to think in terms of the limiting factors in
life as the things around us. We want faster computers, faster
cars, faster internet connections, faster flows of information,
better stuff, better this and better that.

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We think, “If I can just get better stuff around me, stuff will
be better in me.”

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The limitations in life are not external, they are internal.

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The old lady took a simple device but used it with skill and
focus. You will be amazed at what you can do with the simple
things of life with skill and focus. You will be amazed that
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Comments (0) Nov 28 2012