Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something".
Tags: age, aid, angry, assistance, attitude, bank, beacon, behavior, belief, blessings, bliss, boy, bridge, burden, car, care, caring, change, charity, check, cheer, children, Christ, church, concentration, contribution, country, courage, cross, depression, destination, destiny, donation, drugs, encouragement, environment, era, exam, example, excitement, eyes, faith, family, fire, flame, focus, funds, generosity, gift, girl, God, goodness, grace, granny, gratitude, hand, hands, happiness, heart, highway, history, Holy Spirit, home, hope, House, inspiration, instruction, instructions, Jesus, journey, joy, kindness, King, leader, learning, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, loan, Lord, love, lovingkindness, man, Mathematics, memories, memory, might, moment, money, motel, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movement, nation, need, needs, New York, obedience, offer, others, pain, parent, passenger, path, perception, period, personality, phone, plan, plans, power, practice, present, promise, prostitute, quiz, Redeemer, road, role model, Savior, service, sex, sharing, sheep, shepherd, smoke, son, soul, sound, spirit, spring, storm, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, thought, time, tour, traffic, tramp, travel, trial, trials, tribulation, trip, trust, truth, vehicle, vision, voice, weight, whore, whorehouse, woman, worries, worry, youth
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The Saving Grace In An Ashtray
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God places people in our path for us to be a blessing.
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Growing up in New York in a single parent household, my mother
would always get on me about giving things away. I can remember
as far back at the age of seven, I gave a little girl my shoes
off my feet because I saw a need. My mother would always say
that I would never have anything, but that way of thinking never
was in my mindset.
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I know that in accordance to God’s will, when He instructs us to
give, we must be obedient because in all actuality, it all
belongs to Him. I believe if every person heeded God’s voice
when He instructs them to bless someone, we would be in a better
position as a country and as a people.
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My son and I were in Powder Springs driving home down Hwy 278
when we saw this young woman walking, looking as though she was
exhausted. I made a U-turn and came back around and asked her
could we give her a ride. She took the offer immediately.
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As I am driving I hear God’s voice say to give her the money
that I had in my ashtray. I don’t smoke so I would keep change
or throw the dollars I have in the ashtray.
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The only thing was that I knew that I had $300 in the astray.
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I didn’t hesitate, nor was I upset about His request, I just
heeded. As I dropped her off to her destination I could see that
it was an environment of drugs, sexual perversions and God knows
what. As she was thanking me for the ride, I took the money out
of the ashtray and balled it up in my hand and placed it in her
hand.
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She didn’t know what I was giving her and I asked her not to
think nothing of it and told her that God loves her and that He
is with her every step of the way. I gave her my business card
and told her if she ever needed to get to church call me and I
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May 01 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airline, airlines, airplane, airport, attendant, bishop, cab, captain, car, celebrity, Chief, choice, cop, destination, earth, East Coast, flight, Florida, funny, global, globe, government, governor, highway, hilarious, humor, Jesus, jet, jokes, journey, land, language, laughter, license, light, limo, man, minister, mirror, moment, movement, noise, North Coast, northcoast, officer, passenger, pastor, patrolman, phone, pilot, plane, police, pope, preacher, president, priest, radio, reverend, road, sheriff, sign, smiles, sound, taxi, tour, travel, trip, trooper, universe, vehicle, voice, words, world
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Ride To The Airport
====================
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Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast
and was taking a limousine to the airport.
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Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
drive for a while. The chauffeur didn’t really have much of a
choice, so he got in the back of the limo and Rev. Graham took
the wheel.
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He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
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Soon the blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his
rearview mirror.
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He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.
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When the trooper saw who it was, he said,
“Just a moment, please, I need to call in.”
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The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
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He said, “I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I
need to know what to do.”
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The chief replied, “Who is it, I hope not Ted Kennedy?”
The trooper said, “No, even more important.”
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“It isn’t the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?” asked the chief.
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“No, even more important,” replied the trooper.
.
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Apr 15 2012
Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, agreement, aid, anxiety, assistance, bliss, bridge, burden, bus, car, care, cheer, choice, christmas, clinic, cold, companion, compassion, concern, couple, cross, depression, desire, doctor, duty, elderly, era, exam, experience, eyes, focus, goodness, gratitude, gynecologist, happiness, health, heart, highway, history, holiday, holidays, hospital, husband, ice, identification, inspiration, job, journey, joy, kindness, labor, legs, license, life, lifestyle, lifetime, load, love, man, medication, medicine, memory, mind, movement, music, nurse, ocean, offer, office, others, partner, passenger, path, period, physician, pill, pills, quiz, rivers, road, scripture, sea, seniors, sign, singer, size, smiles, space, specialist, spouse, stream, stress, struggles, surgeon, task, test, thankfulness, therapy, time, traffic, travel, treatment, trials, trip, vehicle, volunteer, water, weather, weight, wife, winter, woman, work, worries, worry
Doeth Good Like Medicine
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“A Merry heart doeth good like medicine.”
– Prov. 17:22 (KJV)
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Hospital volunteers do no clinical work. Volunteers have no physically therapeutic treatment of offer. They dispense no medicine. But we cannot deny that they demonstrate the merry hearts as spoken of in Proverbs 17:22. At the core of volunteering is the fervent desire to “doeth good like medicine.” Because I am privileged to experience a daily confirmation of the good done by volunteers, it is very difficult to choose one vignette or narrow the choices of stories to one.
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It was Christmas time and our elderly visitor was back to see her husband in the Intensive Care Unit. We had watched her daily visits, and could tell she was becoming more distant and distraught with each day. She was rather frail and unsteady on her feet, but refused any offer of assistance.
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Volunteer John approached her on her way out, to offer her a ride back to her car in our shuttle as it was cold. She accepted reluctantly, almost as if in resignation. While helping her into the shuttle,
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Mar 25 2012
Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, anxiety, appreciation, bank, beauty, belief, blessings, bliss, blossom, blossoms, body, breakfast, bridge, burden, bus, cancer, care, check, children, clinic, color, colors, compassion, concern, courage, cross, delight, depression, dinner, doctor, duty, elderly, era, exam, example, exercise, eyes, faith, family, favor, feeling, feelings, fish, fishing, flowers, food, friends, funds, garden, gift, God, granny, gratitude, grown ups, gynecologist, happiness, health, heart, Heaven, highway, home, hospital, House, humanity, husband, imagination, inspiration, job, journey, joy, knowledge, labor, language, laughter, learning, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, love, mail, man, memories, mind, moment, money, morning, mountain, movement, neighbor, noise, nurse, office, others, pain, passenger, path, patient, perception, period, physician, plant, plants, present, quiz, relaxation, rest, road, role model, seniors, size, skin, sleep, smiles, snack, snacks, son-in-law, soul, sound, specialist, spirit, strength, stress, success, sugar, summer, sunshine, support, surgeon, surprise, task, test, thankfulness, thought, time, token, travel, treatment, trials, trip, vegetable, vegetables, veggie, veggies, vehicle, voice, weight, wife, woman, wonder, words, work, worries, worry
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The Rented Room
================
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Our house was directly across the street from the clinic
entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived
downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to outpatients at the
clinic.
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One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at
the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man.
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“Why, he’s hardly taller than my eight-year-old,” I thought as I
stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing
was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
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Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, “Good evening. I’ve come
to see if you’ve a room for just one night. I came for a
treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there’s no
bus ’til morning.”
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He told me he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no
success, no one seemed to have a room. “I guess it’s my face…
I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more
treatments…”
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For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me,
“I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus
leaves early in the morning.”
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I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch.
I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready,
I asked the old man if he would join us. “No thank you.
I have plenty.” And he held up a brown paper bag.
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When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk
with him a few minutes. It didn’t take a long time to see that
this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body.
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He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her
five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from
a back injury.
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He didn’t tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other
sentence was prefaced with a thanks to God for a blessing.
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He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was
apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him
the strength to keep going.
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At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children’s room for him.
When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded
and the little man was out on the porch.
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He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus,
haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said,
.
“Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a
treatment? I won’t put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a
chair.” He paused a moment and then added, “Your children made
me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children
don’t seem to mind.”
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I told him he was welcome to come again.
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And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the
morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the
largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them
that morning before he left so that they’d be nice and fresh.
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I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m., and I wondered what time he
had to get up in order to do this for us.
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In the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never
a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables
from his garden.
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Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special
delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young
spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed.
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Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these and knowing
how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.
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When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a
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Mar 25 2012
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
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This is hilarious! A true classic.
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A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
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The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
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‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
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The lawyer asks the first question.
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‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
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The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
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Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
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He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
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Feb 07 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, thief, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth
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The Darwins are out !!!!
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Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
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Here is the glorious winner:
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1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
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And now, the honorable mentions:
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2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
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3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
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4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
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5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
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7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
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Feb 06 2012