Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
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This is hilarious! A true classic.
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A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
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The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
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‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
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The lawyer asks the first question.
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‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
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The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
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Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
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He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
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Feb 07 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth
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The Darwins are out !!!!
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Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
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Here is the glorious winner:
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1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
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And now, the honorable mentions:
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2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
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3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
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4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
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5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
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7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
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Feb 06 2012
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: airline, attendant, belief, career, children, courage, creativity, customer, flight, fun, happiness, heart, imagination, inspiration, job, joy, life, occupation, passenger, pilot, plane, salesman, security, service, smiles, spouse, success, voice, wife
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Plato said that work should be play. Some airline employees are
taking him seriously. After landing, one flight attendant announced,
“Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
(I like the honest approach.)
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As a plane touched down and was slowing to a stop in Washington, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!” (Who
says you can’t have fun with your job?)
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One pilot made this weather announcement: “Weather at our
destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try
to have them fixed before we arrive.”
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“As you exit the plane,” a flight attendant said, “please make sure
to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be
distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses.”
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And passengers reported that they heard this from the crew just as
.
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Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Inspirationals.
Tags: attorney, authority, bank, belief, cemetery, ceremony, country, court, crown, custom, dad, day, designer, desire, Duchess, Duke, earth, eyes, faith, fashion, father, flight, ghost, glory, God, hand, heart, Heaven, home, House, inspiration, journey, judge, King, language, lawyer, life, light, Lord, love, man, mansion, medication, medicine, mind, money, others, passenger, pilot, plane, pledge, Prince, princess, promise, queen, road, royalty, salvation, scripture, season, soul, style, ticket, time, travel, treasure, trip, universe, woman, words, world
1. ACCOMMODATION
Arrangements for first-class accommodation have been made in advance.
“In My Father’s house are many mansions…I go to prepare a place for you.” (John 14:2).
2. PASSPORTS
Persons seeking entry will not be permitted past the gates without having proper papers/credentials and having their names registered with the ruling Authority.
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May 08 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, cold, fish, fishing, funny, golf, hilarious, humor, ice, jokes, language, laughter, nut, nuts, passenger, penis, quotes, shampoo, smiles, snow, thought, voice, words
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are some priceless quotes:…
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*I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?” I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn’t say a word. He knew better*.
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*I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good- looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”*
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*My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” My sister started to laugh
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Apr 23 2009
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: age, air, anger, attention, attorney, blonde, boss, check, computer, congressman, court, earth, employee, employer, era, exam, eyes, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, gratitude, hands, history, humor, idiot, internet, jokes, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, manager, Mathematics, money, moon, moron, New York, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, sleep, smiles, stupid, supervisor, test, thankfulness, time, universe, words, world
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
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Apr 19 2009
