Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", Inspirationals.
Tags: action, airline, airman, airplane, America, army, attendant, attitude, blessings, captain, country, courage, family, feelings, flight, food, friends, gift, God, gratitude, honor, inspiration, kindness, life, Lord, love, marine, meal, military, moment, money, nation, ocean, passengers, pilot, plane, prayer, protection, reading, respect, rivers, sailor, sea, service, smiles, soldiers, strength, troops, veterans, voice, water, whisper, world
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— The Sack Lunches
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I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. ‘I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,’ I thought.
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Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.
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‘Where are you headed?’ I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.
‘Petawawa. We’ll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we’re being deployed to Afghanistan
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After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time…
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As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. ’No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn’t be worth five bucks. I’ll wait till we get to base.’
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His friend agreed.
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I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. ’Take a lunch to all those soldiers.’ She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. ‘My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it’s almost like you are doing it for him.’
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Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, ‘Which do you like best - beef or chicken?’
‘Chicken,’ I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: aircraft, attendant, benefits, cemetery, client, company, drugs, flight, fun, idea, industry, jokes, life, passengers, pharmacist, smiles, traffic, work
Plato said that work should be play. Some airline employees have taken his injunction seriously. After landing, one flight attendant announced, “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.” There’s a flight attendant who knows how to turn her work into play.
She may have been the same one who, as the passengers disembarked from the aircraft, announced, “Last one off the plane must clean it.”
A British insurance agent has fun with the accident reports he reads from some of his clients. Like the one who wrote: “I started to slow down but the traffic was more
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Jun 20 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airline, America, anger, announcement, anxiety, attendant, attention, beaches, blessings, breakfast, captain, cemetery, check, class, coffee, contribution, dad, depression, dialect, dinner, duppy, earth, experience, fashion, father, flight, food, forgiveness, French, funds, funny, ghost, gift, global, globe, God, grace, hilarious, holiness, honesty, humor, Jesus, jokes, journey, lake, land, language, laughter, listening, Lord, map, maps, Mathematics, meal, money, music, ocean, passenger, passengers, path, patois, phone, pilot, plane, pond, pool, prayer, present, rivers, road, sea, singer, smiles, snack, snacks, stress, style, system, tool, tools, tour, tourist, travel, trip, universe, veggie, veggies, vernacular, voice, water, waterfalls, words
WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIRLINES IS NOW OPERATING IN MINNYSOTA!
ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORDERN MITCHIGEN, NORT & SOUT DAKOTA
If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran Air, the no-frills airline. You’re all in da same boat on Lutran Air, here flyin is a upliftin experience:
- Dair is no first class on any Lutran Air flight.
- Meals are potluck. Rows 1 tru 6, bring rolls; 7 tru 15, bring a salad; 16 tru 21, a hot dish, and 22-30, a dessert.
- Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.
- Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.
- All fares are by free will offering, and da plane will not land til da budget is met.
- Pay attention to your flight attendant, who vill acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air.
Okay den, listen up; I’m only gonna say dis vonce: In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly gonna be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because ve fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn’t bodder with doze liddle masks on da rubber tu bes–you’re gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair liddle holes.
Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we’re gonna have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sorta like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I’d say forget it.
Start saying da Lord’s Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive dose who sin against us, which some people say ‘trespass against us,’ which isn’t right, but what can you do?
Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane’s navigation system, which is by da pants all da way. No, it’s because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God had meant you to use a cell phone, He wudda put your mout on da side of your head.
We start lunch right about noon and it’s buffet style wit da coffeepot up front. Den we’ll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pockets in front of you. Don’t take yours wit you when you go or I am gonna be real upset and I am NOT kiddin!
Right now I’ll say Grace: Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fader, Son, and Holy Ghost, May we land in Dulut or pretty close.
Sep 18 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: action, activity, anger, anxiety, bank, car, check, computer, depression, duty, exam, funds, funny, girl, humor, internet, job, jokes, labor, laughter, leather, license, lipstick, makeup, man, Mathematics, message, mirror, money, online, others, passenger, passengers, phone, photos, reading, sign, smiles, stress, task, test, ticket, tool, tools, traffic, vehicle, woman, work
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
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FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as
many times as required to align car window with the ATM machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way the
little picture indicates.
10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN# is written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN written on the inside of the back page.
11. Enter PIN into ATM machine .
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
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Aug 11 2008
