Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: April Fool's Day, baby, bank, check, cop, cow, day, earth, finger, fingers, fool, funds, funny, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, humor, idiot, jokes, laughter, money, moron, ocean, officer, patrolman, police, purpose, rivers, robber, sea, sheriff, smiles, star, stupid, time, trooper, turtle, universe, water, winner, world
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April Fool’s Day
The first of April, some do say,
Is set apart for All Fools’ Day.
But why the people call it so,
Nor I, nor they themselves do know.
But on this day are people sent
On purpose for pure merriment.
.
Foolish Questions
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?
+++
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Apr 01 2010
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: accident, car, cop, dialect, funny, gold, hilarious, humor, Jamaican, jewelry, jokes, language, laughter, man, officer, patois, patrolman, phone, police, road, sheriff, smiles, trooper, vehicle, vernacular, words
.
A Jamaican driving in his brand new BMW Z8 pulls over to take a leak. A truck
speeding down the street crashes into his door just as he’s about to come out of
his car, sending it flying off the hinges. Enraged, he uses his cell phone to
call 911.
.
When the police arrives, the Jamaican man explains what happened.
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: attorney, blossoms, color, companion, cop, couple, court, enlightenment, eyes, family, home, husband, inspiration, judge, law, lawyer, light, man, memory, mind, moment, money, mountain, officer, others, parents, partner, passport, patrolman, police, rules, sheriff, spirit, spouse, trooper, visa, wife, woman
Look Into Your Eyes
====================
.
I was online to renew my passport.
.
I answered question after question. Most were simple questions
that were easily answered, but then it got to a hard one.
.
What color are your eyes?
.
I didn’t know the answer!
.
Now you may ask, “What kind of man doesn’t know what color his
eyes are?”
.
Were my eyes black or brown?
.
I honestly didn’t know. I’m sure that I once did, but I
certainly
wouldn’t bet a large sum of money on a guess right then.
I couldn’t remember what color my eyes were.
.
It reminded me of the lawyer cross-examining a witness in court
and to prove that his memory was unreliable, he put his hand on
the man’s neck shielding his tie from his view and asked him,
“What color tie do you have on?”
.
Needless to say, the witness didn’t know. I hear you saying,
“But your eye color isn’t like that tie!” Well, actually it
was, because I didn’t know what color they were.
.
My wife was out of town with the kids visiting her parents.
I was the only one in the house. So I did what any man would do
who couldn’t remember his eye color and didn’t have anyone
close who could look into his eyes and tell him.
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Oct 07 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bus, car, cop, drunk, funny, hilarious, jokes, license, life, officer, patrolman, police, school, sheriff, test, ticket, traffic, trooper, vehicle
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The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
.
1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
What for? He can’t see my license plate.
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2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
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3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Always wear a condom.
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4. When driving through fog, what should you use?
Your car.
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5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
.
6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
.
7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
.
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Aug 01 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bar, beer, boss, cab, car, champagne, cop, drunk, funny, hilarious, humor, job, jokes, laughter, life, liquor, man, money, officer, patrolman, police, rum, scotch, sheriff, smiles, task, taxi, tequila, trooper, vodka, whiskey, wife, wine, work
There’s this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t see a man crying.”
“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I
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Aug 01 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, bar, beer, bird, champagne, channel, children, computer, cop, dinner, dog, drugs, drunk, elderly, funny, gin, grown ups, hilarious, home, House, humor, internet, jokes, laughter, liquor, marriage, Mathematics, money, movie, officer, online, patrolman, pharmacist, pharmacy, police, relaxation, rest, restaurant, rum, scotch, seniors, sex, sheriff, sign, sleep, smiles, tequila, test, time, trooper, vacation, vodka, weather, whiskey, wine, youth
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
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Jun 20 2009
