Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something".
Tags: age, aid, angry, assistance, attitude, bank, beacon, behavior, belief, blessings, bliss, boy, bridge, burden, car, care, caring, change, charity, check, cheer, children, Christ, church, concentration, contribution, country, courage, cross, depression, destination, destiny, donation, drugs, encouragement, environment, era, exam, example, excitement, eyes, faith, family, fire, flame, focus, funds, generosity, gift, girl, God, goodness, grace, granny, gratitude, hand, hands, happiness, heart, highway, history, Holy Spirit, home, hope, House, inspiration, instruction, instructions, Jesus, journey, joy, kindness, King, leader, learning, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, loan, Lord, love, lovingkindness, man, Mathematics, memories, memory, might, moment, money, motel, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movement, nation, need, needs, New York, obedience, offer, others, pain, parent, passenger, path, perception, period, personality, phone, plan, plans, power, practice, present, promise, prostitute, quiz, Redeemer, road, role model, Savior, service, sex, sharing, sheep, shepherd, smoke, son, soul, sound, spirit, spring, storm, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, thought, time, tour, traffic, tramp, travel, trial, trials, tribulation, trip, trust, truth, vehicle, vision, voice, weight, whore, whorehouse, woman, worries, worry, youth
.
The Saving Grace In An Ashtray
===============================
.
God places people in our path for us to be a blessing.
.
Growing up in New York in a single parent household, my mother
would always get on me about giving things away. I can remember
as far back at the age of seven, I gave a little girl my shoes
off my feet because I saw a need. My mother would always say
that I would never have anything, but that way of thinking never
was in my mindset.
.
I know that in accordance to God’s will, when He instructs us to
give, we must be obedient because in all actuality, it all
belongs to Him. I believe if every person heeded God’s voice
when He instructs them to bless someone, we would be in a better
position as a country and as a people.
.
My son and I were in Powder Springs driving home down Hwy 278
when we saw this young woman walking, looking as though she was
exhausted. I made a U-turn and came back around and asked her
could we give her a ride. She took the offer immediately.
.
As I am driving I hear God’s voice say to give her the money
that I had in my ashtray. I don’t smoke so I would keep change
or throw the dollars I have in the ashtray.
.
The only thing was that I knew that I had $300 in the astray.
.
I didn’t hesitate, nor was I upset about His request, I just
heeded. As I dropped her off to her destination I could see that
it was an environment of drugs, sexual perversions and God knows
what. As she was thanking me for the ride, I took the money out
of the ashtray and balled it up in my hand and placed it in her
hand.
.
She didn’t know what I was giving her and I asked her not to
think nothing of it and told her that God loves her and that He
is with her every step of the way. I gave her my business card
and told her if she ever needed to get to church call me and I
Read More
May 01 2012
Posted: under Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: advice, age, aid, assistance, attention, bliss, brain, car, cashier, check, children, clothing, companion, computer, couple, dating, difference, duty, era, exercise, eyes, family, feeling, feelings, force, friends, friendship, funds, gift, happiness, home, House, husband, imagination, inspiration, internet, job, journey, joy, knowledge, labor, language, life, lifestyle, lifetime, man, marriage, might, mirror, moment, money, mountain, muscle, muscles, online, others, partner, period, phone, power, present, ring, smiles, sound, spouse, task, thought, time, tips, travel, wife, woman, words, work
.
An Inch
========
.
In today’s technological age, we often hear about the wide
stretches of the Internet. We are used to telescopes making
discoveries in distant planets. How often do you hear about the
power of an inch?
.
That’s right just an inch.
.
I talked with one of my friends yesterday who is staying in
another country. Even though it sounded like he was only a few
feet away through the phone, the sound was actually traveling
thousands of miles. That’s technology and that’s impressive.
But I’ve also been impressed lately by the power of an inch.
.
You are probably saying now “What do you keep talking about the
power of an inch, an inch doesn’t have any power.”
.
I’m talking about the inch that two muscles of each side of your
mouth moves when you smile. It takes tens of muscles to frown
but only two to smile. This is a power that every person can
wield no matter what economic level they are or how much
technology they have.
.
I began to notice the power when going through checkout lines.
If I smiled when I got up to the register, it made the cashiers
smile even though they had customer after customer to ring up.
.
Most of the people probably didn’t even consciously notice they
were smiling. It was as if my mouth moving a inch on each side
made some kind of unconscious knee jerk kind of reflex happen in
their brains. Without using hypnosis or offering people money,
you could get people to respond.
.
You never know what one smile can do to a person’s day.
.
Imagine a homeless person on the street sitting on a corner with
dirty clothes on and everybody passing by not wanting to even
look at them because they are afraid of what they might beg for.
.
Now imagine what it would do for that same person if someone
looked them straight in the eyes and gave them a big genuine
smile and actually spoke to them first and said “Good afternoon,
it’s good to see you today.”
.
Sometimes work beats us down so much that by the time we get
home our children may not see a smile the entire evening.
.
In some marriages, smiles even among spouses have gone the way
of the retired practice of opening a car door during dating. As
I even thought about it, a smile and knowledge are two of the
Read More
Apr 15 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airline, airlines, airplane, airport, attendant, bishop, cab, captain, car, celebrity, Chief, choice, cop, destination, earth, East Coast, flight, Florida, funny, global, globe, government, governor, highway, hilarious, humor, Jesus, jet, jokes, journey, land, language, laughter, license, light, limo, man, minister, mirror, moment, movement, noise, North Coast, northcoast, officer, passenger, pastor, patrolman, phone, pilot, plane, police, pope, preacher, president, priest, radio, reverend, road, sheriff, sign, smiles, sound, taxi, tour, travel, trip, trooper, universe, vehicle, voice, words, world
.
Ride To The Airport
====================
.
Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast
and was taking a limousine to the airport.
.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
drive for a while. The chauffeur didn’t really have much of a
choice, so he got in the back of the limo and Rev. Graham took
the wheel.
.
He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
.
Soon the blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his
rearview mirror.
.
He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.
.
When the trooper saw who it was, he said,
“Just a moment, please, I need to call in.”
.
The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
.
He said, “I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I
need to know what to do.”
.
The chief replied, “Who is it, I hope not Ted Kennedy?”
The trooper said, “No, even more important.”
.
“It isn’t the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?” asked the chief.
.
“No, even more important,” replied the trooper.
.
Read More
Apr 15 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, air, arm, arms, aroma, beans, birth, birthday, bridge, car, cemetery, companion, couple, decision, destination, dinner, duty, effect, eggs, era, family, fart, feeling, flowers, food, force, fragrance, friends, funny, gas, ghost, girl, hand, hands, highway, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, legs, love, man, marriage, movement, noise, obituary, odor, partner, party, passion, path, peas, perfume, period, phone, power, prize, promise, repairs, restaurant, road, sacrifice, scent, smell, smiles, sound, spouse, surprise, tablecloth, task, time, travel, trip, vehicle, weight, wife, wind, winner, woman, words, work
<><><><><><><><><><><><>
….
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them.
.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
.
Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.
.
Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you.”
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
.
When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin
and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful
Read More
Feb 27 2012
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
.
This is hilarious! A true classic.
.
A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
.
The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
.
‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
.
The lawyer asks the first question.
.
‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
.
The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
.
Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
.
He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
Read More
Feb 07 2012
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny Poetry, Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, art, attitude, behavior, belt, body, butt, car, check, child, children, class, classroom, computer, control, depression, dinner, duty, earrings, education, educator, exam, example, eyes, fashion, food, freedom, funds, funny, God, granny, hairstyle, hands, hilarious, home, House, hug, hugs, humor, influence, internet, job, jokes, kisses, labor, lake, language, laughter, law, learning, lesson, life, lunch, moment, money, moral, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movie, ocean, online, pants, parent, pastor, phone, pond, pool, prayer, preacher, priest, Professor, reading, recipe, rectum, reverend, rivers, road, role model, rules, school, sea, service, smiles, snack, snacks, stream, stress, style, task, teacher, television, test, today, touch, traffic, travel, treats, tutor, values, vehicle, voice, water, waterfall, waterfalls, words, work
.
Don’t Mess with Mom
====================
.
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He’d decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
~*~
“Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The “Children’s Bill of Rights.”
~*~
It says I need not clean my room,
don’t have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
~*~
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
and I sure don’t have to pray.
~*~
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
~*~
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with the crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
~*~
Don’t you ever touch me,
my body’s only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
~*~
Don’t preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
Read More
Dec 04 2011