Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bar, cop, drunk, funny, hilarious, jokes, man, police, pub, smiles, wife
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On Saint Patrick’s Day, an Irishman who had a little too much to drink was driving home from the city and his car was weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulled him over.“So,” said the cop to the driver, “Where have you been?”“Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
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Mar 17 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: baby, cop, elderly, funny, hilarious, jokes, laughter, Little Johnny, minister, money, pastor, police, preacher, priest, school, sermon, short, Sunday, teacher, wedding, wife
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1. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why the groom wearing black?”
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2. A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”
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3. Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
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4. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
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5. A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: accident, car, cop, dialect, funny, gold, hilarious, humor, Jamaican, jewelry, jokes, language, laughter, man, officer, patois, patrolman, phone, police, road, sheriff, smiles, trooper, vehicle, vernacular, words
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A Jamaican driving in his brand new BMW Z8 pulls over to take a leak. A truck
speeding down the street crashes into his door just as he’s about to come out of
his car, sending it flying off the hinges. Enraged, he uses his cell phone to
call 911.
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When the police arrives, the Jamaican man explains what happened.
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: attorney, blossoms, color, companion, cop, couple, court, enlightenment, eyes, family, home, husband, inspiration, judge, law, lawyer, light, man, memory, mind, moment, money, mountain, officer, others, parents, partner, passport, patrolman, police, rules, sheriff, spirit, spouse, trooper, visa, wife, woman
Look Into Your Eyes
====================
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I was online to renew my passport.
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I answered question after question. Most were simple questions
that were easily answered, but then it got to a hard one.
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What color are your eyes?
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I didn’t know the answer!
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Now you may ask, “What kind of man doesn’t know what color his
eyes are?”
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Were my eyes black or brown?
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I honestly didn’t know. I’m sure that I once did, but I
certainly
wouldn’t bet a large sum of money on a guess right then.
I couldn’t remember what color my eyes were.
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It reminded me of the lawyer cross-examining a witness in court
and to prove that his memory was unreliable, he put his hand on
the man’s neck shielding his tie from his view and asked him,
“What color tie do you have on?”
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Needless to say, the witness didn’t know. I hear you saying,
“But your eye color isn’t like that tie!” Well, actually it
was, because I didn’t know what color they were.
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My wife was out of town with the kids visiting her parents.
I was the only one in the house. So I did what any man would do
who couldn’t remember his eye color and didn’t have anyone
close who could look into his eyes and tell him.
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Oct 07 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: cop, drunk, friends, funny, hilarious, jokes, life, marriage, officer, police, taxes, wife
I’ll respect you in the morning.
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I’m from your government, and I am here to help you.
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You get this one, I’ll pay next time.
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My wife doesn’t understand me.
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Trust me, I’ll take care of everything.
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Of course I love you.
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I am getting a divorce.
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Drinking? Why, no, Officer.
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I never inhaled.
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It’s not the money, it’s the principle of the thing.
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I never watch television except for PBS.
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…but we can still be good friends.
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She means nothing to me.
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Aug 09 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bus, car, cop, drunk, funny, hilarious, jokes, license, life, officer, patrolman, police, school, sheriff, test, ticket, traffic, trooper, vehicle
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The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
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1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
What for? He can’t see my license plate.
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2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
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3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Always wear a condom.
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4. When driving through fog, what should you use?
Your car.
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5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
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6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
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7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
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Aug 01 2009