Net Miles Of Smiles

& Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease ,
your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

..

& Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped,
Will roll to the least accessible crevice furthest away from you.

..

& Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

..

& Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. Specially when it is long distance.

..

& Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire while running late for work.

..

& Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

..

& Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

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& Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

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& Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

..

& Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

..

& Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

..

& The Starbucks Law

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Comments (0) Aug 29 2008

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.”

The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.

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Comments (0) Aug 19 2008

Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jeb.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Bubba’s party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Jonas after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba’s favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.

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Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard’s DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn’t solve. She
could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me
because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.
For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine except for yellow. I had the customer change ink

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Comments (0) Jul 30 2008

OH, the last one is good. As they say, They are out there !

+ + + +

HELLO OPERATOR Read them all, these are great!
Actual call center conversations!

+ + + +

Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through;
Can you help?’
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I
Need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
Telephone Jack before cleaning.. Now, can you give me the
Number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’
———————————————————————-
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
Traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘Does the product name give you a clue?’
———————————————————————-
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
‘If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel
To the other side of the car?’
———————————————————————-
Directory Enquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.’
———————————————————————-
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes. That’s what it says on the label — Woven in Scotland .’
———————————————————————-
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a
Worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.’
———————————————————————-
Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK.’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
Point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’
———————————————————————-
Tech Support: ‘OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can
You see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’
———————————————————————-
Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my
System clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’
———————————————————————-
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been
Promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed
From a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee
Was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble??’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
Went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared’
Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I
Type.’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator??’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV..
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
The power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Operator: ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s
Plugged into the wall.
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one? ‘
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into
the back of your computer.’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over?’
Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s

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Comments (1) Jul 27 2008

A young man goes into the Job Centre in Jacksonville, Florida , and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more -

‘Can you give me some more details about this?’ he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Centre man sorts through his files & replies - ‘Oh yes here it is:

The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lie them down and carefully wash their genital regions. You

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Comments (0) Jul 25 2008