Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, bar, beer, champagne, drunk, era, Europe, fool, funny, gin, graduation, hilarious, humor, idiot, Ireland, Irish, jokes, laughter, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, moron, pub, rum, school, scotch, smiles, tequila, time, twins, vodka, whiskey, wine
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too!
Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man.
“I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, bar, beer, brandy, butt, champagne, dance, drunk, elderly, fool, funny, gin, gun, horse, humor, idiot, jokes, laughter, lesson, lessons, man, pub, rectum, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, stupid, tequila, tool, tools, whiskey, wine
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, ‘Hey old man, have you ever danced?’
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Apr 17 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beer, belt, cashier, champagne, check, coffee, drunk, earth, eggs, food, fruit, fruits, funny, gin, global, globe, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, liquor, man, Mathematics, meat, money, pub, rum, scotch, smiles, tequila, universe, vegetable, vegetables, veggie, veggies, weight, whiskey, wine, woman, words, world
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2 percent milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
The drunk says, “You must be single.”
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Jan 25 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beer, bus, cemetery, champagne, children, church, cop, dad, drunk, duty, father, funny, ghost, gin, hilarious, humor, job, jokes, journey, laughter, law, letter, life, liquor, listening, Mathematics, minister, mother, movie, movies, officer, pastor, patrolman, police, preacher, priest, pub, reverend, road, rules, rum, scotch, sermon, sheriff, smiles, task, teacher, television, tequila, travel, trip, trooper, vodka, voice, whiskey, wine, wisdom, work
THE WIT AND THE WISDOM OF HOMER J. SIMPSON
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“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.”
“Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
“You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.”
“Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.”
“If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
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Jan 25 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, bar, beer, bike, car, champagne, cop, drugs, drunk, fashion, fool, funny, gin, hilarious, home, House, humor, idiot, jail, jokes, laughter, license, money, moron, neighbor, officer, party, patrolman, pharmacist, pharmacy, police, policeman, pub, restaurant, robber, rum, sandwich, scotch, sheriff, smiles, spring, stupid, tequila, traffic, trooper, vehicle, vodka, wine
HE DOESN’T KNOW JACK
A carjacker upset by his noisy neighbors in Bonita Springs, Fla., drove to the sheriff’s office in a car he had recently carjacked to report the disturbance.
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JUST HANGING OUT
A man entered a sandwich shop in Hendersonville, N.C., wearing a mask over his face and a pair of very baggy pants. When he tried to get to the cash register, he fell over a counter, then ran out of the restaurant empty-handed. Then, as he tried to climb over a fence, his baggy pants got caught on a fence post, leaving him hanging upside down until the police arrived and unsnagged him.
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Jan 23 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: air, alcohol, anger, arm, arms, bar, beer, birthday, brandy, cab, car, celebration, champagne, companion, couple, dance, dancer, destination, drunk, eyes, funny, gift, gin, highway, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, journey, language, laughter, liquor, noise, partner, party, passenger, path, perception, present, prostitute, pub, road, rum, scotch, sign, smiles, sound, sports, spouse, storm, surprise, tablecloth, taxi, team, tequila, token, traffic, vehicle, vodka, voice, waitress, whiskey, whore, wife, wind, wine, words
A wife decided to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrived at the club and the doorman said, “Hey, Dave! How ya doin?“
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh! no,” said Dave.
“He’s on my bowling team.”
When they got seated, a waitress asked Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and said,”How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”
“She’s in the Ladies Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them.”
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says “Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”