Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny Poetry, Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, art, attitude, behavior, belt, body, butt, car, check, child, children, class, classroom, computer, control, depression, dinner, duty, earrings, education, educator, exam, example, eyes, fashion, food, freedom, funds, funny, God, granny, hairstyle, hands, hilarious, home, House, hug, hugs, humor, influence, internet, job, jokes, kisses, labor, lake, language, laughter, law, learning, lesson, life, lunch, moment, money, moral, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movie, ocean, online, pants, parent, pastor, phone, pond, pool, prayer, preacher, priest, Professor, reading, recipe, rectum, reverend, rivers, road, role model, rules, school, sea, service, smiles, snack, snacks, stream, stress, style, task, teacher, television, test, today, touch, traffic, travel, treats, tutor, values, vehicle, voice, water, waterfall, waterfalls, words, work
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Don’t Mess with Mom
====================
.
My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He’d decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
~*~
“Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The “Children’s Bill of Rights.”
~*~
It says I need not clean my room,
don’t have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
~*~
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
and I sure don’t have to pray.
~*~
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
~*~
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with the crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
~*~
Don’t you ever touch me,
my body’s only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
~*~
Don’t preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
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Dec 04 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: boy, butt, cop, funny, hand, hilarious, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, officer, patrolman, policeman, rectum, sheriff, short, smiles, tool, tools, trooper
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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one
hand and a squirrel in the other.
.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “whatever you do to
that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to
you.”
.
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May 31 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, assignment, axe, butt, car, check, class, classroom, companion, dinner, doctor, family, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, Games, girl, granny, hilarious, home, homework, hotel, House, humor, husband, income, jail, jewelry, jokes, journey, language, laughter, Mathematics, money, mother, mother-in-law, officer, partner, penis, prostitute, rectum, road, rolex, sleep, smiles, sport, sports, spouse, tool, tools, travel, trip, whore, wife, words
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Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*
……….
1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
.
2. Dictate – My girfriend say my dictate good.
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3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
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4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
.
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, belt, butt, car, christmas, companion, computer, couple, dinner, doctor, food, funny, game, gravy, hilarious, humor, husband, internet, job, jokes, laughter, license, nurse, online, partner, rectum, restaurant, smiles, sports, spouse, task, television, Thanksgiving, traffic, turkey, vehicle, wife, work
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1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat !
5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down
7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist
8.* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, Africa, age, aid, America, aroma, butt, car, channel, computer, doctor, elderly, era, eyes, family, food, fragrance, friends, funny, granny, hairdo, hairstyle, hand, hands, hilarious, history, hospital, hotel, humor, husband, internet, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, laughter, man, money, mother-in-law, movie, movies, neighbor, odor, online, perfume, phone, recipe, rectum, scent, seniors, sex, smiles, time, tips, updo, vehicle, wishes, woman
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
..
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
..
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Apr 28 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, bar, beer, brandy, butt, champagne, dance, drunk, elderly, fool, funny, gin, gun, horse, humor, idiot, jokes, laughter, lesson, lessons, man, pub, rectum, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, stupid, tequila, tool, tools, whiskey, wine
An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule. The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town to clear his parched throat. He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.
As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, ‘Hey old man, have you ever danced?’
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Apr 17 2009