Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: bank, bar, beer, car, champagne, drunk, funny, hilarious, Jamaican, jokes, man, money, penis, restaurant, sex, tequila, vodka, waiter, waitress, whiskey, wine, woman
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A Jamaican guy enters a resturant and while sitting at his table he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. he calls the waiter over and asks for a bottle of the most expensive champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it she will be his.
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The waiter gets the bottle and quickly takes it over to the young lady, saying that it’s from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note back to the Jamaican, the note reads…
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Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: coffee, diner, funny, hilarious, jokes, restaurant, waitress
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Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it
had seen better days. As they slid into a booth, Bill
wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin
and wiped some moisture from the table.
The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some
menus.
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“No thanks,” said Doug. “I’ll just have a cup of black
coffee.”
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“I’ll have black coffee, too,” Bill said. “And please
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, belt, butt, car, christmas, companion, computer, couple, dinner, doctor, food, funny, game, gravy, hilarious, humor, husband, internet, job, jokes, laughter, license, nurse, online, partner, rectum, restaurant, smiles, sports, spouse, task, television, Thanksgiving, traffic, turkey, vehicle, wife, work
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1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat !
5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down
7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist
8.* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, bird, boy, cemetery, cold, dinner, feast, fool, funny, ghost, hilarious, humor, ice, idiot, jokes, laughter, man, menu, money, moron, obituary, phone, recipe, restaurant, smiles, Thanksgiving, tips, turkey, veggie, weight, woman, youth
(where people call to get advice how to cook a turkey from the experts)
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* Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, “I don’t know, it’s still running around outside.”
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* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn’t Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a
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Dec 01 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beer, brandy, champagne, cheer, drunk, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, light, liquor, music, nun, priest, restaurant, rum, scotch, smiles, tequila, time, vodka, whiskey, wine
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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
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The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while ‘the lights would turn off.’
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Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
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However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
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She walked up to the bartender, and asked, ‘May I please use the restroom?
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The bartender replied, ‘OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.’
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‘Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,’ said the nun.
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So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
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Aug 11 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, bar, beer, bird, champagne, channel, children, computer, cop, dinner, dog, drugs, drunk, elderly, funny, gin, grown ups, hilarious, home, House, humor, internet, jokes, laughter, liquor, marriage, Mathematics, money, movie, officer, online, patrolman, pharmacist, pharmacy, police, relaxation, rest, restaurant, rum, scotch, seniors, sex, sheriff, sign, sleep, smiles, tequila, test, time, trooper, vacation, vodka, weather, whiskey, wine, youth
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
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Jun 20 2009