Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, bishop, cemetery, church, culture, custom, dialect, elderly, era, funny, ghost, hilarious, history, humor, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, language, laughter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, man, marriage, minister, obituary, others, pastor, patois, period, pope, preacher, priest, reverend, seniors, sermon, short, smiles, time, touch, vernacular, wedding, woman, words
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Mi hate when mi go a weddin and di ol’ people dem a
jook mi inna mi side an seh
“a yuh nex, a yuh nex”.
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May 08 2012
Posted: under "A Scripture A Day Keeps The Devil Away", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something".
Tags: advice, aid, assistance, assurance, belief, Bible, bishop, blessings, blood, burden, Christ, Christian, Christianity, Christians, comfort, Comforter, country, courage, cross, cure, day, depression, devil, earth, encouragement, English, experience, faith, force, forgiveness, global, globe, God, healing, holiness, hymn, inspiration, Jesus, land, language, life, lifestyle, lifetime, load, Lord, love, lovingkindness, man, might, minister, movement, others, pain, pastor, pencil, play, pope, power, prayer, preacher, priest, promise, protection, psalm, Redeemer, refuge, reverend, rivers, safety, salvation, satan, Savior, scripture, security, shape, shapes, shepherd, sin, sins, size, source, storm, stream, strength, stress, struggles, thought, tips, trust, truth, universe, voice, water, weight, woman, words, world, worries, worry
.
The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
my buckler, and the horn of my salvation,
and my high tower.
– (Psalm 18:2)
..
The story is told of a young preacher named Augustus Toplady who was taking a walk through the English countryside when a sudden storm swept across the landscape. Toplady spotted a wide rock formation with an opening; a cleft where he sought shelter until the storm passed. As he sat out the deluge, he contemplated the connection between his shelter and God’s help in life’s storms.
..
He had no paper to write on but found a playing card on the floor of the cave-like structure and began to write the words of the hymn “Rock of Ages”. Written on that stormy day in 1775, this hymn has been a source of strength for Christians ever since.
..
Rock of ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.
..
Think of your struggles.
Do you need a place to hide?
Do you need Someone to shelter you from life’s assaults?
Do you need the assurance that you’ve been forgiven?
..
As Toplady experienced, we can find shelter and assurance in God.
Don’t stand out in life’s storms alone.
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Apr 26 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bishop, church, eyes, funny, gospel, hand, hands, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, man, Mathematics, minister, pastor, pope, preacher, priest, reading, reverend, scripture, sermon, short, show, sin, sins, smiles, Sunday, understanding, woman, words
.
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about
the sin of lying.
.
To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
.
The following Sunday the minister asked for a show of hands to
indicate
how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airline, airlines, airplane, airport, attendant, bishop, cab, captain, car, celebrity, Chief, choice, cop, destination, earth, East Coast, flight, Florida, funny, global, globe, government, governor, highway, hilarious, humor, Jesus, jet, jokes, journey, land, language, laughter, license, light, limo, man, minister, mirror, moment, movement, noise, North Coast, northcoast, officer, passenger, pastor, patrolman, phone, pilot, plane, police, pope, preacher, president, priest, radio, reverend, road, sheriff, sign, smiles, sound, taxi, tour, travel, trip, trooper, universe, vehicle, voice, words, world
.
Ride To The Airport
====================
.
Billy Graham had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast
and was taking a limousine to the airport.
.
Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could
drive for a while. The chauffeur didn’t really have much of a
choice, so he got in the back of the limo and Rev. Graham took
the wheel.
.
He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
.
Soon the blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his
rearview mirror.
.
He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.
.
When the trooper saw who it was, he said,
“Just a moment, please, I need to call in.”
.
The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
.
He said, “I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I
need to know what to do.”
.
The chief replied, “Who is it, I hope not Ted Kennedy?”
The trooper said, “No, even more important.”
.
“It isn’t the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?” asked the chief.
.
“No, even more important,” replied the trooper.
.
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Apr 15 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attention, bar, beer, bishop, brandy, champagne, church, decision, devil, drunk, evil, exam, example, eyes, focus, funny, gin, Heaven, hell, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, legs, liquor, listening, man, minister, noise, others, pastor, perception, pope, preacher, priest, pub, quiz, reverend, rum, satan, scotch, sermon, sleep, smiles, sound, Sunday, surprise, tequila, test, vodka, voice, vote, voter, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung
over and tired, he finally nods off.
.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his
apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon,
the preacher decides to make an example of him.
.
He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place
in heaven, please stand.”
.
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like
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Feb 23 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, age, aid, Bible, blessings, cemetery, child, children, Christ, church, class, classroom, compassion, computer, contribution, dad, devil, dinner, era, family, father, fish, fishing, food, friends, funny, ghost, girl, God, granny, gratitude, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, internet, Jesus, jokes, laughter, learning, Little Johnny, Lord, man, Mathematics, memory, message, minister, mother, mother-in-law, neighbor, online, parent, pastor, period, practice, prayer, preacher, pride, priest, psalm, rabbi, reading, reverend, satan, school, sermon, sheep, shepherd, sleep, smiles, Sunday, tablecloth, teacher, thankfulness, time, tips, trust, woman, youth
.
| GOOD SAMARITAN..
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the
Good Samaritan.
She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all
wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?”
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw
up.”
..
DID NOAH FISH?
..
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a
lot of fishing when
he was on the Ark ?” “No,” replied Johnny.
“How could he, with just two worms.”
..
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
..
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most
quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23 .
She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm.
After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation,
Ricky was so nervous.
When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
“The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”
..
UNANSWERED PRAYER
..
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always
paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a
good sermon.”
“How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.
..
BEING THANKFUL
..
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother
says your prayers for you each night?
That’s very commendable.
What does she say?”
The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”
..
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
..
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past).
For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli
would say, “and all girls.”
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing.
My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”
..
SAY A PRAYER
..
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother’s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
“Johnny!
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Dec 06 2011
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