Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, argument, bank, body, car, check, chic, classic, companion, couple, designer, earth, era, exercise, fashion, funds, funny, garden, gift, hand, hands, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, jokes, lake, land, laughter, leather, license, man, memory, model, money, morning, ocean, palace, partner, period, phone, pond, pool, present, rivers, salesman, sea, smiles, spouse, style, surprise, time, token, traffic, vehicle, water, wife, woman
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Only $1,500.00.”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much … ”
“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year … ”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only $60,000 … ”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great! But before we hang up, something else … ”
“What?”
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Oct 15 2008
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life".
Tags: abroad, action, activities, aid, America, American, army, bat, belief, check, children, companion, computer, contribution, couple, dad, difference, dinner, donation, encouragement, faith, family, father, financial, foreign, friends, funds, gift, home, House, husband, inspiration, internet, job, language, life, love, man, memories, message, military, money, mother, neighbor, neighborhood, online, others, parents, partner, present, resources, salesman, service, sleep, soldier, specialist, spirit, spouse, Sunday, task, teacher, television, time, troops, trust, understanding, voice, war, wife, woman, words, work
All stories copyright 2008 Bob Perks
Today’s message:
“Remember, yours, mine and hours”
by Bob Perks
..
You can read all about them.
You see them on television daily.
But what about those who love them?
Soldiers.
I have forced myself to watch news reports of units being
deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I say “forced” because
it always pains me. You know I hate goodbyes.
I run to the television when I hear about a returning soldier or
unit. You couldn’t stop me from smiling if you hit me with a
baseball bat. I love happy endings.
Until last weekend though, I had never been up close, face to
face with anyone who had served over there or whose loved
one was presently deployed there.
I was about to speak to nearly one hundred family members of
the New Jersey National Guard. Their loved ones just left a few
days before.
What could I say that would make a difference?
“I could only imagine.” No, I couldn’t.
“I understand how you must feel.” I couldn’t possibly.
“This time will go by fast.” Being away from someone you love
never goes by fast.
So, I opened by saying “I believe in you!”
I do. I believe in the God Who created each of us and I know
what we are all capable of. But someone needs to remind us.
At 1800 hours I was to have dinner with the families and staff
of the Family Readiness Group. I love military time. It
clearly reminds me of exactly how many hours I have lived or
wasted each day. 1800 is 6:00 p.m. telling me 18 hours has
passed. “What have you done with them?”
Having met most of the people at my table earlier in the day,
I didn’t need to go about the introductions. I got to listen.
Go stand in a crowd of people. Look around you. They look
like ordinary, regular folks.
So do the military. If it weren’t for the uniforms, you would just
think they were teachers, plumbers, cooks, or insurance
salesmen.
They are in fact, your neighbors, friends and perhaps your loved
ones. The difference is, when they go to work they are protecting
your life, your rights, your children and they are putting their lives
on the line for it all.
But what about the families left behind. Wives, husbands, girl/boy
friends, mothers and fathers are all back here counting the 2400 hours
that pass by ever so slowly while we all go about our day living the life
they are protecting.
I stood up to speak to them.
I am asking you to stand up and speak “for” them.
In New Jersey and every state in America, there are family gatherings
unlike anything you have experienced. These families are separated
from those they love. They meet, plan, organize and quietly raise funds
to provide services, resources, support and activities for the children and
spouses of deployed military.
Whether you agree with the war or not, it makes no difference. These
are our families, your families, your neighbors or friends.
Find them. Reach out and offer your help, financially, spiritually,
and personally.
As I spoke that Sunday morning at 0900 hours, I opened with my piece
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Sep 10 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: advice, anger, boss, check, duty, earth, employee, employer, funds, funny, humor, job, jokes, labor, lake, land, laughter, manager, money, ocean, pond, pool, rivers, salesman, sea, short, smiles, stream, supervisor, task, tips, water, work
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water.
“That customer’s going to come back here pretty mad,” he said to his boss. “Should I give him his money back?”
“Money back?” roared the boss.
“What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat.”
Aug 19 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, birthday, companion, elderly, funny, gift, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, laughter, man, partner, party, present, salesman, seniors, smiles, spouse, wife, woman
A man wants to celebrate his wife’s Birthday by throwing a party.
So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
Well he thinks for a while and says: let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.
The salesman asks “how do you want me to put it?”
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Jul 29 2008
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: beer, boss, brandy, car, check, craft, dialect, employee, experience, fish, fishing, funds, funny, hilarious, humor, Jamaica, Jamaican, job, jokes, Kingston, language, laughter, liquor, man, money, northcoast, patois, rum, salesman, sleep, smiles, vehicle, vernacular, wife, words, work
.
A young man from Jamaica moves to Miami and goes to a big
Department shopping complex looking for a job.
The manager says, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’ The Jamaican
young man says. ‘Bossie, mi was a salesman back home on di streets
a Kingston .’
Well, the boss liked him so he gave him the job. ‘You start
tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’
His first day on the job was rough but he got
through it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down. ‘How many sales did you
make today?’
The Jamaican young man says, ‘Man, Just ONE sale’ The boss says,
‘Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people
average 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you’d
better be doing better than just one sale’. ‘By the way, how much
was the sale for?’
The Jamaican young man says, ‘$301,237.64′
Boss says, ‘$301,237.64? What the hell did you sell?’
The Jamaican young man: ‘Bossie, Fus mi sell him one little fish
hook. Den mi sell
him a medium size fish hook. Den mi sell him 1
big fish hook.
Den mi sell him one fishing rod an sum fishing tings.
Den mi ask him whey him a go fishing an him seh dung de coast, so
mi tell him sey him a go want one boat, so we go dung a de boating
department an mi sell him one twin engine Chris Craft.
Den him seh him nuh think him Audi Car caan pull it, so mi tek
him dung a wi automotive department an mi sell him di 4X4 Blazer.
Then mi ask him whey him a go sleep, an since him neva have nuh
weh, mi tek him dung a di camping department an sell him one a di
new Igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.
Then the man seh, while we deh pon it, mi might as well fling in
about a $100.00 wut a groceries and two cases of beer.’
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Jul 11 2008