Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, anxiety, appreciation, bank, beauty, belief, blessings, bliss, blossom, blossoms, body, breakfast, bridge, burden, bus, cancer, care, check, children, clinic, color, colors, compassion, concern, courage, cross, delight, depression, dinner, doctor, duty, elderly, era, exam, example, exercise, eyes, faith, family, favor, feeling, feelings, fish, fishing, flowers, food, friends, funds, garden, gift, God, granny, gratitude, grown ups, gynecologist, happiness, health, heart, Heaven, highway, home, hospital, House, humanity, husband, imagination, inspiration, job, journey, joy, knowledge, labor, language, laughter, learning, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, love, mail, man, memories, mind, moment, money, morning, mountain, movement, neighbor, noise, nurse, office, others, pain, passenger, path, patient, perception, period, physician, plant, plants, present, quiz, relaxation, rest, road, role model, seniors, size, skin, sleep, smiles, snack, snacks, son-in-law, soul, sound, specialist, spirit, strength, stress, success, sugar, summer, sunshine, support, surgeon, surprise, task, test, thankfulness, thought, time, token, travel, treatment, trials, trip, vegetable, vegetables, veggie, veggies, vehicle, voice, weight, wife, woman, wonder, words, work, worries, worry
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The Rented Room
================
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Our house was directly across the street from the clinic
entrance of Johns Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived
downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to outpatients at the
clinic.
.
One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at
the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man.
.
“Why, he’s hardly taller than my eight-year-old,” I thought as I
stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing
was his face, lopsided from swelling, red and raw.
.
Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, “Good evening. I’ve come
to see if you’ve a room for just one night. I came for a
treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there’s no
bus ’til morning.”
.
He told me he’d been hunting for a room since noon but with no
success, no one seemed to have a room. “I guess it’s my face…
I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more
treatments…”
.
For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me,
“I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus
leaves early in the morning.”
.
I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch.
I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready,
I asked the old man if he would join us. “No thank you.
I have plenty.” And he held up a brown paper bag.
.
When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk
with him a few minutes. It didn’t take a long time to see that
this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body.
.
He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her
five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from
a back injury.
.
He didn’t tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other
sentence was prefaced with a thanks to God for a blessing.
.
He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was
apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him
the strength to keep going.
.
At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children’s room for him.
When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded
and the little man was out on the porch.
.
He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus,
haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said,
.
“Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a
treatment? I won’t put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a
chair.” He paused a moment and then added, “Your children made
me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children
don’t seem to mind.”
.
I told him he was welcome to come again.
.
And on his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the
morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the
largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them
that morning before he left so that they’d be nice and fresh.
.
I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m., and I wondered what time he
had to get up in order to do this for us.
.
In the years he came to stay overnight with us, there was never
a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables
from his garden.
.
Other times we received packages in the mail, always by special
delivery; fish and oysters packed in a box of fresh young
spinach or kale, every leaf carefully washed.
.
Knowing that he must walk three miles to mail these and knowing
how little money he had made the gifts doubly precious.
.
When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a
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Mar 25 2012
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: cat, child, children, choice, dad, dialect, dinner, exam, father, father-in-law, food, funny, goat, granny, hilarious, home, House, humor, Jamaican, jokes, language, laughter, meal, meat, mother, mother-in-law, noise, patois, pussy, quiz, smiles, son, sound, surprise, test, treats, vagina, vernacular, voice, words
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A woman cooked goat meat but didn’t tell the kids what it was.
They asked for a clue and she told them it was dad’s favorite.
The son screamed,
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Mar 08 2012
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: age, baby, birth, birthday, bliss, doctor, era, exam, eyes, focus, food, funny, gynecologist, happiness, hilarious, history, hospital, humor, jokes, joy, language, laughter, medication, medicine, memories, memory, milk, nurse, office, pain, patient, period, physician, pill, pills, quiz, robber, short, smiles, sound, specialist, sugar, surgeon, surprise, test, thief, time, treats, voice, woman, words
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When the patient was wheeled into the delivery room,
she told me, “I remember you from the last time I
gave birth.”
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I was thrilled, especially since it had been a few
years. “Do you really remember me?” I asked, milking
it.
.
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Mar 08 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, age, aid, anxiety, attorney, barn, bridge, car, country, cow, destination, era, farmer, funny, highway, hilarious, history, humor, jokes, journey, language, laughter, lawyer, license, man, Mathematics, movement, noise, path, period, pig, rabbi, religion, repairs, road, sleep, smiles, sound, surprise, time, tour, tourist, traffic, trick, trip, vehicle, words
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A Rabbi, A Hindu and a Lawyer
==============================
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A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the
country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and
came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer
explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to
sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two
have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a
knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming,
“I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there.
It’s against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!”
.
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no
religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later,
the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, “There’s a COW
in the barn! I can’t sleep in the same room as a cow!
It’s against my religion!”
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The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he’d go to the barn,
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Mar 07 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, air, arm, arms, aroma, beans, birth, birthday, bridge, car, cemetery, companion, couple, decision, destination, dinner, duty, effect, eggs, era, family, fart, feeling, flowers, food, force, fragrance, friends, funny, gas, ghost, girl, hand, hands, highway, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, legs, love, man, marriage, movement, noise, obituary, odor, partner, party, passion, path, peas, perfume, period, phone, power, prize, promise, repairs, restaurant, road, sacrifice, scent, smell, smiles, sound, spouse, surprise, tablecloth, task, time, travel, trip, vehicle, weight, wife, wind, winner, woman, words, work
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….
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always caused him a great deal of embarrassment shortly after eating them.
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One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he realized she might be even more embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to baked beans. He decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up his beloved baked beans. A short time later they were married.
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Some months later, on his way home from work, his car broke down. He was not too far from home so he decided to leave the car and walk the rest of the way. He passed a small roadside cafe and decided to call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to go, and decided that he could walk off any after-effects before reaching home. Before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. He pooted up a hill, and poot-pooted down the other side. As he grew closer to home, the frequency and forcefulness diminished greatly, and he felt reasonably safe.
.
Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to release one last effort, his wife threw open the door. She excitedly exclaimed, “Darling, I have made the most wonderful surprise dinner for you.”
She blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. Just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
.
When she had gone, he seized the opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg and loudly broke wind. It was not only loud, but as ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he took his napkin
and began to fan the air about him. He just started feeling better when he felt another urge. He again raised one leg and let her rip. It sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging. He fanned until his arms ached. Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another powerful
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Feb 27 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attention, bar, beer, bishop, brandy, champagne, church, decision, devil, drunk, evil, exam, example, eyes, focus, funny, gin, Heaven, hell, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, legs, liquor, listening, man, minister, noise, others, pastor, perception, pope, preacher, priest, pub, quiz, reverend, rum, satan, scotch, sermon, sleep, smiles, sound, Sunday, surprise, tequila, test, vodka, voice, vote, voter, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung
over and tired, he finally nods off.
.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his
apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon,
the preacher decides to make an example of him.
.
He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place
in heaven, please stand.”
.
The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
.
Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like
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Feb 23 2012