Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, belief, birthday, body, breakfast, bus, car, channel, cheer, child, church, coffee, courage, day, diamonds, diet, dinner, duty, encouragement, era, exercise, experience, faith, fool, funny, gift, global, globe, gratitude, gym, health, hilarious, history, humanity, humor, instruction, instructions, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, leg, legs, life, listening, message, morning, moron, mother, path, present, road, sandwich, Saturday, service, smiles, snack, snacks, sound, sport, strength, stupid, sugar, Sunday, surprise, task, tea, teacher, teeth, television, thankfulness, time, today, traffic, travel, treats, trip, truck, universe, vampire, vehicle, voice, weight, woman, words, work, world
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A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM
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If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
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Dear Diary,
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For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 40 something years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
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MONDAY:
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I started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
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TUESDAY:
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I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.
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WEDNESDAY:
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The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
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THURSDAY:
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Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was
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Nov 03 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW".
Tags: abroad, airport, America, army, banquet, barbeque, beauty, belt, bracelet, Britain, British, Buckingham Palace, celebrity, chic, church, colors, companion, computer, couple, crown, daffodil, designer, diamonds, dinner, dress, Duchess, earrings, effect, elegance, England, Europe, eyes, fashion, fashionista, first lady, flight, flowers, food, foreign, garden, glamorous, gloves, gold, government, gown, hairdo, hairstyle, hands, honor, husband, internet, Ireland, Irish, jacket, jewelry, journey, King, lipstick, make-up, military, mini, money, necklace, online, palace, pants, partner, pearls, photos, pilot, plane, politics, president, prime minister, Prince, pumps, queen, Queen Elizabeth, reason, ring, rose, roses, royalty, silver, smiles, soldier, spouse, stunning, style, sugar, suit, tea, throne, touch, tour, travel, treats, trip, White House, wife
Michelle Obama goes glam and stays stylish while touring England and Ireland
Simply Stunning
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President Obama may have been touring Great Britain for political reasons, but the eyes of the fashion-forward were on Michelle Obama. Could she be able to keep up with the British prime minister’s wife, Samantha Cameron, who is known for being a bit of a fashionista? How would she measure up to Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton and her accessible style? Would she make a fashion faux-pas and represent the United States while wearing a little-known foreign designer’s duds?
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Have no fear—she looked amazing. We took a look at some of her top outfits from the trip; here, the president and first lady pose with Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip before a banquet at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday.
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Let’s take a closer look at that gorgeous dress, shall we?
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The ivory ruched Georgette gown by Tom Ford has white ribbon-and-bow detailing at the waist;
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May 31 2011
Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY".
Tags: action, attitude, behavior, bliss, bridge, cake, care, caring, cheer, coffee, concern, destination, discipline, earth, example, friends, friendship, global, globe, God, happiness, highway, hospitality, journey, joy, land, life, lifestyle, lifetime, love, man, manners, morning, others, path, respect, road, role model, sharing, smiles, sugar, tea, thought, today, travel, treats, universe, vehicle, woman, world
Infect the whole world with your S-M-I-L-E today….
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GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I…
DEAR FRIENDS…..EVERYONE ENJOY! ! 
and there is
some cake 
ready too!
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Feb 08 2009
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: adversity, carrots, coffee, eggs, flavor, fragrance, friendship, granny, happiness, heart, life, mother, mother-in-law, opportunity, smiles, spirit, strength, tea, youth
You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. …..
A young woman went to her mother and told
her about her life and how things were so hard for
her. She did not know how she was going to make it
and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting
and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved,
a new one arose.
Her mother took her to the kitchen. She
filled three pots with water and placed each on a
high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first
she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs,
and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She
let them sit and boil; without saying a word.
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: beaches, coffee, dinner, dog, duty, food, funny, hilarious, home, House, humor, job, jokes, labor, lake, laughter, meal, ocean, pond, pool, rivers, sea, smiles, stream, task, tea, tool, tools, water, work
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, anxiety, bar, beer, boss, breakfast, champagne, check, child, christmas, coffee, companion, company, couple, dad, dance, depression, dinner, drunk, duty, employee, employer, eyes, fashion, father, flowers, funds, funny, gin, granny, heart, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, job, jokes, kisses, labor, lake, language, laughter, letter, lipstick, liquor, listening, love, make-up, makeup, manager, marriage, Mathematics, medication, medicine, mirror, money, morning, mother, mother-in-law, ocean, pants, partner, party, pond, pool, pub, rain, rivers, rose, rum, scotch, sea, sleep, smiles, spouse, stream, stress, style, supervisor, task, taste, tea, time, vodka, voice, water, whiskey, wife, wine, words, work
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son… What happened last night?”
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Sep 28 2008
