Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attention, bar, beer, bishop, brandy, champagne, church, decision, devil, drunk, evil, exam, example, eyes, focus, funny, gin, Heaven, hell, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, legs, liquor, listening, man, minister, noise, others, pastor, perception, pope, preacher, priest, pub, quiz, reverend, rum, satan, scotch, sermon, sleep, smiles, sound, Sunday, surprise, tequila, test, vodka, voice, vote, voter, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words

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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung
over and tired, he finally nods off.
.
The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his
apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon,
the preacher decides to make an example of him.
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He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place
in heaven, please stand.”
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The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
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Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like
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Feb 23 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, thief, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth

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The Darwins are out !!!!
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Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
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Here is the glorious winner:
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1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
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And now, the honorable mentions:
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2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
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3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
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6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
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7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
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Feb 06 2012
Posted: under Inspirational Poetry, Inspirationals.
Tags: advice, age, alcohol, bar, beer, belief, bliss, brandy, care, cemetery, champagne, cloud, clouds, color, colors, community, concern, courage, dream, drunk, duty, earth, era, eyes, faith, feeling, fire, friends, friendship, ghost, gin, global, globe, happiness, history, hope, inspiration, job, joy, kindness, labor, language, life, link, liquor, love, man, moment, morning, music, neighbor, neighborhood, new year, others, party, perception, period, pub, rum, scotch, strength, task, tequila, time, tips, universe, video, vision, voice, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words, work, world
“Happy New Year“

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Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have a vision now and then
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend
Happy new year
Happy new year
May we all have our hopes, our will to try
If we don’t we might as well lay down and die
You and I
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Jan 02 2012
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", Advice & Tips.
Tags: advice, age, alcohol, aroma, beer, brandy, champagne, christmas, cold, direction, directions, duty, eggnog, eggs, era, food, fragrance, gin, glasses, hands, holiday, ice, ingredient, ingredients, instruction, instructions, job, labor, liquor, Mathematics, milk, perfume, period, recipe, rum, scotch, season, service, snow, sugar, task, taste, tequila, time, tips, tool, tools, treats, vodka, weight, whiskey, wine, winter, work

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This favorite holiday drink is easier to make than you think; simply simmer together heavy cream, sugar, and nutmeg, then gradually combine with eggs in the blender.
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Serves 4 | Hands-On Time: 05m | Total Time: 20m
.
Ingredients
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2 cups heavy cream
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
4 large eggs
3/4 cup brandy
.
Directions
.
1. In a medium saucepan, bring the heavy cream, sugar, and nutmeg just to a simmer.
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Dec 26 2011
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accident, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, bliss, bus, car, champagne, chance, check, cold, companion, couple, court, day, diet, drunk, eyes, family, funny, gin, hands, happiness, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, journey, joy, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, licence, license, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, morning, New York, partner, path, pub, rain, recipe, road, rum, scotch, season, short, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, time, traffic, travel, truck, vehicle, vodka, weather, whiskey, wife, wine, winter, woman, words
Add a teaspoon of it
To your diet each day
.

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My sister said its so cold where she is
that she saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!
><><
Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,
”Oh my God”. The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,
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Oct 29 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brain, champagne, companion, couple, court, drunk, elderly, exam, fool, funny, gin, granny, hilarious, humor, husband, idiot, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, liquor, man, moron, mother, mother-in-law, office, partner, practice, relationship, rules, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, spouse, tequila, test, vodka, voice, whiskey, wife, wine, woman, words, youth
. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .

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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
..
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal
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Jun 21 2011