Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attention, bar, beer, bishop, brandy, champagne, church, decision, devil, drunk, evil, exam, example, eyes, focus, funny, gin, Heaven, hell, hilarious, humor, jokes, language, laughter, legs, liquor, listening, man, minister, noise, others, pastor, perception, pope, preacher, priest, pub, quiz, reverend, rum, satan, scotch, sermon, sleep, smiles, sound, Sunday, surprise, tequila, test, vodka, voice, vote, voter, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, words
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A man sobering up from the night before is sitting through the
Sunday sermon, finding it long and boring. Still feeling hung
over and tired, he finally nods off.
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The priest has been watching him all along, noticing his
apparent hangover and is disgusted. At the end of the sermon,
the preacher decides to make an example of him.
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He says to his congregation, “All those wishing to have a place
in heaven, please stand.”
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The whole room stands up except, of course, the sleeping man.
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Then the preacher says even more loudly, “And he who would like
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Feb 23 2012
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: accident, age, beauty, bliss, check, cheer, classic, color, colors, destination, duty, election, era, funds, funny, government, happiness, highway, hilarious, history, humor, job, jokes, journey, joy, labor, language, laughter, light, loan, mind, model, money, music, musician, nation, noise, office, path, period, politics, pride, radio, road, salesman, singer, smiles, sound, support, supporter, task, time, tour, tourist, traffic, travel, trip, truck, vehicle, voice, vote, voter, words, work
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I bought a new Chevy Avalanche
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And returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn’t get the radio to work.
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The salesman explained that the radio was voice Activated.
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‘Nelson,’ the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, ‘Ricky or Willie?’
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‘Willie!’ he continued and ‘On The Road Again’
Came from The speakers.
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Then he said, ‘Ray Charles!’, and in an instant ‘
Georgia On My Mind’ replaced Willie Nelson.
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I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every
Time I’d say, ‘Beethoven,’
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I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
Beatles,’ I’d get one of their awesome songs.
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Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
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Feb 23 2012
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "DID YOU KNOW", Inspirationals.
Tags: Africa, African-American, age, aim, America, American, anniversary, arm, arms, army, beauty, black, blacks, bliss, body, bracelet, Brazil, Britain, British, campaign, caring, celebrity, ceremony, challenge, check, children, Chinese, college, community, companion, computer, couple, culture, designer, diamonds, diet, duty, earrings, earth, effort, election, England, era, Europe, example, exercise, family, fashion, finger, fingers, first lady, flag, food, funds, game, garden, global, globe, goal, gold, government, hair, hairdo, hairstyle, hand, hands, happiness, health, home, honor, House, hug, hugs, husband, icon, inspiration, internet, interview, jewelry, job, joy, kisses, labor, language, leader, life, London, love, magazine, man, Mathematics, military, money, moral, morning, mother, nation, navy, necklace, neighborhood, New York, online, partner, performance, period, photos, politics, power, president, project, recipe, ring, role model, school, service, sharing, show, smiles, soldier, soldiers, South Africa, sport, spouse, style, support, task, television, time, tour, universe, updo, values, veggie, veggies, veteran, veterans, voter, White House, wife, woman, words, work, world, youth
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As the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama has become a role model in the awareness arena for healthy eating, sharing her homegrown recipes via her cookbook. Next celebrity chef? She has also become a fashion icon and has been named by Forbes Magazine as the eighth most powerful woman in the world.
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First lady Michelle Obama speaks at the Democratic National Committee’s Women’s Leadership Forum in Washington….
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First lady Michelle Obama speaks on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, Monday, Oct. 17, 2011, during an event to honor schools that met the first lady’s goal to double the number of participants in the HealthierUS School Challenge in year.
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Michelle Obama attends cultural performances in Brasilia, Brazil….
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Michelle Obama introduces President Barack Obama at a DNC fundraiser at Gotham Hall, New York-
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Michelle Obama gestures before introducing her husband President Barack Obama at a DNC fundraiser at Gotham Hall in New York. She’s mingled barefoot among Aspen’s elite, stirred a Vermont utility executive to tears and bucked up disenchanted New Yorkers. The 2012 presidential campaign is well under way for Michelle Obama, and the first lady is promising to put herself into the election effort like never before. More than a year from Election Day, she is hauling in millions in campaign cash and sketching a portrait of her husband drawn with an intimacy that no one else could duplicate.
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Michelle Obama speaks to children at Christ Church College in Oxford, England.-
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Michelle Obama speaks to children from Elizabeth Garrett Anderson school in London as they visit Christ Church College in Oxford, England.
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Dec 18 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: belief, camp, decision, deer, eyes, fish, fishing, funny, hairstyle, hilarious, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, man, Mathematics, morning, sleep, smiles, time, voter
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Seven guys were at deer camp. Three had to bunk two to a room.
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No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
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The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”
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He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
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The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
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He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink. I just watched him all night.”
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The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.
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Mar 06 2010
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: America, attitude, behavior, butt, ceremony, culture, custom, dialect, Easter, funny, hilarious, humor, Jamaican, jokes, language, laughter, morning, patois, politics, president, rain, respect, rhyme, smiles, supporter, time, vernacular, voter, water, White House, winner, words
Good Morning My JAMAICAN VOTERS in the WONDERFUL
U. S. Of A.!!!
After watching the final debate the other night, it dawned on me that Obama could actually win this thing. If that happens, there will be a lot of JAMAICAN VOTERS who may not know how to conduct themselves!!
To keep the peace and keep a lot of folks from getting nervous, I (Althea Fennell) have developed a Top TEN list of behaviors we should probably avoid - at least for the first few days:
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Nov 01 2008
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life".
Tags: America, baby, bill, challenge, English, friends, funny, government, history, message, money, nation, official, phone, politician, power, project, service, show, system, taxes, truth, union, voter, world
Sent to me by a friend……
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Greetings,
This fwd’d message is Loud and Clear!
This results from we the people who pay these taxes, consistently electing crooked politicians to positions of unyielding power. Actually to be true, not all politicians are crooked, but the system itself is corrupt and nobody wants to fix it. So in order for them to survive in that system, they tend to change. We as voters see this time and time again. That’s not what they said they would do, when they solicted our votes.
…
They usually become exempt of all or some of these taxes or at least get a break on many of them because we pay these for them, through the mis-service to us. Not a typo, it’s mis-service, because they don’t do the things they are elected to do. They don’t because we don’t hold their feet to the fire to do right, so they cater to the squeaky wheel, which is usually an entity that usually is disingenuous, be it lobbyist, unions, etc.
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Sep 30 2008