Posted: under "LOVE is LOVELY", Inspirationals.
Tags: age, aid, assistance, attitude, baby, bliss, car, change, check, cheer, cheerfulness, cold, companion, compassion, couple, day, duty, elderly, era, eyes, family, funds, gift, God, hands, happiness, help, home, House, hug, hugs, husband, ice, inspiration, job, journey, joy, kindness, kisses, labor, lake, language, license, life, light, love, man, Mathematics, meal, moment, money, need, neighbor, ocean, others, partner, path, pool, present, rain, restaurant, rivers, road, sea, season, seniors, sleep, smiles, spouse, stream, task, thought, time, travel, trip, vehicle, voice, waiter, waitress, water, whisper, wife, winter, woman, words, work
This is so true especially in these trying times, take a moment to read this it will be worth it!
TIS THE SEASON FOR GIVING….IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT THE MONEY
One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her.
Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn’t look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt. It was the chill which only fear can put in you.
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Dec 01 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: beer, champagne, dinner, drunk, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, liquor, man, money, restaurant, rum, scotch, smiles, tequila, vodka, waiter, waitress, whiskey, wine
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very swank and
impressive Italian restaurant.
He ordered one of the more expensive bottles of wine on the menu,
and the two chatted as they sipped from their glasses.
Finally, he picked up the menu again and studied it with a fine eye.
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Oct 18 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beer, car, champagne, cowboy, drunk, duty, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, job, jokes, labor, laughter, liquor, man, penis, pub, rum, scotch, secret, smiles, sugar, task, tequila, time, vodka, waiter, waitress, watch, whiskey, wine, woman, work
A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it’s a gay bar.
“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.” When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?” The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.
“The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, ‘Just Do It.’ that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’ “The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?” The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” the fella proudly replies, “‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!’”
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella’s on his right who just happens to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?” The first man
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, attention, baby, birthday, care, career, dance, day, earth, era, fool, friends, friendship, funny, global, globe, health, hilarious, humanity, humor, idiot, jokes, language, laughter, learning, life, light, love, man, Mathematics, medication, medicine, moment, moron, others, pharmacist, pharmacy, race, reason, sharing, sleep, smiles, specialist, time, tool, tools, universe, waiter, waitress, woman, words, world
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,
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Oct 10 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: airport, alcohol, bank, bar, beer, bliss, blood, boobs, brandy, breasts, butt, champagne, check, christmas, companion, couple, divorce, dog, drugs, drunk, earth, exam, family, flight, funds, funny, genius, gin, global, globe, granny, happiness, hilarious, history, humor, husband, jokes, joy, land, language, laughter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, liquor, loan, man, marriage, money, mother, mother-in-law, others, parent, partner, peace, perfection, pharmacist, pharmacy, politics, pool, pub, quiz, record, rectum, restaurant, rum, scotch, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, test, ticket, universe, value, vodka, waitress, whiskey, wife, wine, wisdom, woman, words, world
25 Words of Wisdom
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1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and asshole.
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it’s OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a woman wearing a large tee shirt with ‘Guess’ on it.
I said,”Breast implants?”
5. I don’t do drugs ’cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. Sign In Chinese Pet Store:”Buy one dog, get one flea…”
7. Money can’t buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
8. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the “terminal”?
10. I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
13. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
15. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
16. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
17. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend my plan to attain world peace, and he told me I have “Schiffer Brains.”
18. No one ever says “It’s only a game!” when their team is winning.
19. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always
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Sep 15 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: bar, beer, brandy, dinner, funny, gin, humor, jokes, laughter, man, money, restaurant, rum, short, smiles, tequila, waiter, waitress, whiskey, wine, woman
A robust-looking gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter.
“Do you recall,” he asked pleasantly, “how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn’t pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?”
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Sep 15 2008